tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42597177066453088662012-02-11T02:26:00.563-05:00bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.comBlogger2931100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-44217965489180120892012-02-11T02:26:00.000-05:002012-02-11T02:26:00.570-05:00

I never heard from him again. I guess he's still thinking of a great idea...

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-30906413618851628122012-02-10T00:37:00.000-05:002012-02-10T00:37:50.793-05:00

There's only 16 days left before I leave Korea, so I'm really trying to savor the moments. Moments like finding a little turd on the floor of the school bathroom. It's precious, you know? Not that floor pooping isn't a totally common thing; it's hard to line everything up properly, I respect that. Shit happens, and sometimes it's to the back, left or right of the squat pot. But this particular

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-40169861284140335102012-01-03T01:13:00.000-05:002012-01-03T01:01:48.593-05:00

2012 is year of the tiger. Wanna know why? Cause I'm going to scratch it's fucking eyes out. I'm going to call it year of 'le tigre' and use a Mexican accent while I kick it's ass for twelve whole months. Think that's racist? Think again hombre. In 2012 I'm not taking shit from anyone. If you've got something to say to me, it better be important. And you should probably make an appointment. But

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-42944982607682618722011-12-29T02:12:00.002-05:002011-12-29T02:12:31.207-05:00

Well the year is winding down and so it's time to re-cap my top 11 beauty tips from the past year. I hope the new year finds you prettier than the last.1. Wear makeup. It helps hide the ugly, or at least provides an interesting distraction.2. Don't wash your hair. Everyone pretends not to notice it's greasy anyway.3. Try to be younger. Not look younger, but actually if you can reverse time as it

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-44364306758869677982011-12-18T02:50:00.001-05:002011-12-18T02:50:59.635-05:00

Want to hear some epilepsy jokes I thought of while I was drunk last night? Good. What does a person with epilepsy do after a sports injury? Shake it off. What does an epileptic in the 1960s love to do? The hippy hippy shake. What does a pregnant women with epilepsy crave? Milkshakes. What does a person with epilepsy say to a Holocaust denier? Bite your tongue.

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-38534052607718411852011-12-15T19:42:00.000-05:002011-12-15T19:42:18.528-05:00

I do. But sometimes I want to grab it by its little chicken neck and scream at it until my eyes bleed.I was in a Homeplus (think: Superstore) parking garage for the first time yesterday. On our way out I noticed my co-teacher's car was parked in a section, very close to the doors, where the concrete pillars were painted pink and had pictures of women in dresses, like on a bathroom door. Laughing,

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-730156908542524862011-12-13T07:00:00.000-05:002011-12-13T07:00:20.382-05:00

Tis the season for children's holiday cards and this year I've got some really winners. Allow me to transpose in case you can't read their writing on the cards: (For reference these are grade 6 boys who sit next to each other, but they've copied the style of a penpal letter in their textbook so it sounds a bit strange.) Dear Mr. Oh Kyun,  Hi, my name is Gangmin Lee. When I first saw

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-54391812287084416652011-11-24T02:16:00.001-05:002011-11-24T02:24:45.115-05:00

Step 1: Enter bathroom, take toilet paper. Do not forget toilet paper. If you forget toilet paper, go back, take toilet paper.Step 2: Enter stall, tuck toilet paper in scarf to free up your hands. Roll up your pants to the knees to prevent dragging cuffs on the piss soaked floor / pissing on yourself when you soak the floor with your piss.Step 3: Take the safety pin out of your ghetto casual

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-21242612399623974612011-11-16T02:01:00.001-05:002011-11-16T02:03:15.956-05:00

Oh sure, yeah, I've got one of those. I do my best breeding in a shed.

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-53091694441142429092011-11-01T06:03:00.000-04:002011-11-01T06:03:16.270-04:00

Step 1: Lose those eyebrows, then add white shiny eyeshadow all over your face. There's no sun under the sea after all. (ps. don't worry, I'm not naked) Step 2: Realize how important eyebrows and skin pigmentation are. Take a photo of yourself looking like a sad albino alien baby. Step 3: Watch drag queen youtube videos for inspiration, then draw on eyebrows and eyeshadow while your

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-40566284614130979632011-11-01T01:05:00.003-04:002011-11-01T01:05:45.768-04:00

Student: My dream is to be a tae-kwon-do player or a soccer player. What is your dream teacher? Me: Ummm, I want to go to the moon! Do you know what the moon is? Student: Yes. Ummm, teacher, not possible. Me: What? Why? Student: Teacher...too old. Too right.

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-60311726569947468082011-10-27T06:56:00.001-04:002011-10-27T06:56:36.809-04:00

Yesterday I was marking grade six midterm exams and the answer to number one of the written portion of the test was 'lion,' but I came across one paper where a student had written 'sulsa' instead. I had no idea what that was, so I asked my co-teacher if she knew what it meant. Turns out dear little Jun Ho, confused by which animal was stronger, the lion or the rabbit, decided to write the Korean

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-47790470798288013462011-09-23T00:42:00.001-04:002011-09-23T00:42:13.741-04:00

And I'm going to sing this in my head for the next 3 hours.Oooh I wanna drink with somebodyI wanna feel the heat of some whiskeyYeah I wanna do shots with somebodyWith somebody who's thiiiiirstyHappy happy weekend!

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-70034038283266715202011-09-12T22:54:00.002-04:002011-09-12T22:54:53.493-04:00

Sun comes out, I get burned. Never a miscommunication. Proof of God.

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-53383323450086595522011-09-07T02:33:00.004-04:002011-09-07T02:33:56.244-04:00

Sometimes I call on random students to answer questions. Today a boy was reluctant to stand up, which is not unusual, but then he kept trying to pull his t-shirt down, which is less so. Everyone started laughing and I feared it was a puberty related embarrassment, but no. Rather, this boy had rolled the legs of his shorts up and tucked them in so it looked like he was wearing little denim

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-54005656288101959282011-09-05T01:55:00.001-04:002011-09-05T01:55:17.321-04:00

Douche: Where are you from?Me: Canada.Douche: Or as I like to call it, Amer-i-can't.Me: Actually, I prefer Amer-i-won't.Douche: (deadpan, with hint of disdain) ...witty.Exit Douche stage left.

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-86830651860411747422011-08-27T03:04:00.003-04:002011-09-20T01:27:31.034-04:00

I often write strongly worded letters to people who deserve strongly delivered kicks to the ass, but I rarely send them. Today is different friends, today I stand up to the man. Well, some of the men. And probably several women in fairness. Let's just call them the Evildoing Men and Women of the World, or "banks" for short. (The backstory is that, in my newly acquired financial awareness I

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-84063911167964725262011-08-23T02:00:00.002-04:002011-09-20T01:29:06.240-04:00

This awkward looking photo is of me modelling a dress I MADE! Well mostly made, with a ton of help from the terrific and terribly talented Tina. My mirror at home is shit, so I took this photo on vacation which is why I'm wearing my vacation hat and my vacation sunglasses and doing my vacation awkward-mouth-expression, it's classic "Vacation B-tang." The top is actually a t-shirt that I

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-20764752761539206032011-08-17T02:14:00.004-04:002011-08-17T02:34:36.104-04:00

"Ruv me prease!" he says, adorably, with a hint of pitiful. I'm puppysitting what is possibly the cutest little guy south of the dmz. He never, ever barks or whines and when he gets so excited he just can't contain himself, for example whenever I walk in the door, he does a little spin around in a circle dance. I can't blame him, I walk in the door pre-tty well, thanks for noticing Oli. I

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-75851613520482942452011-08-02T18:22:00.003-04:002011-08-02T18:26:00.863-04:00

All it takes it the right pair of outrageous sunglasses to convince yourself you should be a celebrity.Off to China for 11 days!!!! Peace out, China town.

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-19546068662725984282011-07-31T00:03:00.003-04:002011-07-31T00:09:47.973-04:00

Last night a Korean girl told me I was Malibu Barbie, (not that I look like, but that I am Malibu Barbie) which is both awesome and the least true thing ever said about me.

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-83849116637026136262011-07-28T23:31:00.002-04:002011-07-28T23:36:02.559-04:00

Pierre Trudeau, while travelling in Jerusalem, was mistaken for a spy and imprisoned for a couple days in the same place historians say Christ was locked up. And he looked, like, this:So, so badass.

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-64066096702013364152011-07-25T09:58:00.003-04:002011-07-25T10:10:55.104-04:00

Reading an advertisement for women's hospital conveniently located in my neighbourhood:The gynocology clinic offers your standard laser surgery for labium minor, as well as "hymenopi asty," female phimosis and "fragidity" operation as well as G&S&Z spot "fragidity" operation. (S & Z? WTF?)The obese clinic offers "Micro self fat graft" as well as the "Making baby face project." I'm so curious and

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-14421968243935906062011-07-11T09:18:00.007-04:002011-07-11T09:35:59.556-04:00

I've recently had some unwanted bugs attaque mes belle plantes, chomping big old holes in everything, but I took some photos before they arrives, which I will now display proudly as though this were some sort of virtual wallet and these my precious offspring. The whole ensemble:These are my radish bebes I plucked and ate. I sauteed the tiny little guys with other veg and used the leaves (combined

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-53521538137107663172011-06-30T20:19:00.003-04:002011-06-30T20:44:21.878-04:00

Or is it?This morning my mom read an article in the trusty Edmonton Sun about women who are getting surgery on their "genitals." Who says genitals? Doctors, sex ed teachers, and my mother."They're getting their labia...Libya? Labia? Well whatever, they're getting that cut right off! The government's probably paying for it too."No mom, no they're not, that's ridiculous, stop talking about this...

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-23437305267899801702011-06-29T22:18:00.009-04:002011-06-29T22:35:25.841-04:00

34. And counting. Until then I'm google-image dreaming. My vacation pre-req is that it must look like a middle aged office worker's computer wallpaper.Hainan IslandWuzhizhou IslandOh, and we're also going to Beijing....but that's less computer wallpapery, more interesting historically.

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-58030925472092788432011-06-28T20:58:00.005-04:002011-06-28T21:07:50.360-04:00

For some reason, I'm now able to see my aforementioned cousin 's facebook profile, and thank god too or I would have missed this.Is it the grammatical atrocities? Is it his friend who coincidentally has court on the very same day? Is it his granny wishing him luck? Also in bizarre grammatical form? Is it his son in his profile pic? Does it matter? No. It's hilarious and I'm a bad person.

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-27366332050336193732011-06-28T01:24:00.005-04:002011-06-28T01:57:11.102-04:00

30 degrees and thundershowers for the foreseeable future with a 70% chance I'll freak the fuck out if I don't get a fan or air con or a god damn ice bucket to shove my head in. My classroom is a great place for a hands-on religious studies class because if this is what hell feels like then Hail Mary, full of ice, chilly be thy name. Thy aircon come, thy cool will come, like ice cream and I'll be

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-54259714954887082412011-06-22T02:31:00.002-04:002011-06-22T02:40:38.195-04:00

For a couple weeks now this grade 6 girl has been pointing at my head and then making a gesture as though her hair was coming out of her head. I thought she was insinuating that my hair was thin, or she thought I was balding or something, which is not unlikely because she is a child sized jerk.Today I was wrong though; she wasn't being a jerk, she was just being a plain old weirdo. She did the

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-32194909015302979812011-06-20T20:49:00.003-04:002011-06-20T20:59:08.789-04:00

Checked the weather forecast for the week....Yeah, 32 and red lightning bolts tomorrow. Red! So, obviously looking forward to that.

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-47112432220405761142011-06-15T02:15:00.004-04:002011-06-15T02:30:30.100-04:00

When learning a new language I like to use mnemonics to help memorize new vocabulary words. For example:onion: 양파 This word vaguely sounds like 'young pa' (actually more like 'yang') so I picture a teenage onion with a baby that he can't take care of.blue: 파란 Following on the father theme, 'pa ran' away from his baby who was turning blue. Onions are terrible parents.eraser: 지우개 This is

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-53097040879367500242011-06-08T22:17:00.004-04:002011-06-08T23:19:15.273-04:00

Yesterday at a visit to the back doctor I found out that I have an extra bone in my spine. The doctor says most people have only 5 lumbar vertebrae but I have 6 and that's why I'm tall. I thought maybe he was intuitively aware of my desire to be both tall and unique and was just flattering me, but the internet says only 10% of people have 6 lumbar vertebrae. I guess what I'm saying is that

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-777173746578345042011-05-31T01:31:00.003-04:002011-05-31T02:40:42.778-04:00

Grade 5 Chapter 12: This is a Bedroom.This is a great chapter for teaching the kids how to talk to martians or hut dwelling jungle people or any other manner of imaginary people who have never been inside a house before."What's a bedroom?""This is a bedroom, Mwanajuma Clickclick. Notice how we don't sleep on a pile of banana leaves? We call this the first world." This is a also great opportunity

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-22840001171881892682011-05-29T04:36:00.006-04:002011-05-29T06:59:39.887-04:00

Any day now the photo-booth novelty will wear off. I promise. Today I thought about going up to the roof to read, which is generally pretty nice unless my presence surprises a neighbour lady and causes her to scream and run away. That is less nice. So instead today I opened up the windows in my laundry roof/storage closet, to be known hereafter as The Solarium, and parked my keister in a patch of

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-57474493789024570252011-05-27T09:26:00.004-04:002011-05-27T09:49:19.101-04:00

Yesterday Kyle saw my photo bucket vanity fest and told me I was too old for that. So I told him you're never too old to emo.**I didn't say that. My wittier alter ego would have, but she might've also said something about the video game habits of men in their 20s so I try to keep a lock on the bitch cage.

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-62339656590142985612011-05-26T06:54:00.010-04:002011-05-26T07:12:38.707-04:00

I have a mac!I HAVE A MAC!God I love my mac.Do I look like I own a mac?Oh, hi.Do you have a mac?Oooh, that's too bad.Now if you'll excuse me, I have some garage band to figure out.

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-65024823060531183742011-05-24T20:50:00.003-04:002011-05-24T21:07:27.927-04:00

I was tricked into watching Benjamin Button last night.Oh, I'll just watch until Brad Pitt's hot. Any minute now he's gonna get soooo hot. It'll totally be worth it. Man, this movie sure is long. Why is he still a creepy urchin man? Make with the wrinkle removal already.*one and one half hours later*Awwwwww, yeah. Perfect age, perfect bone structure.*one minute later*Brad Pitt sure was hot for

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-91049569496391426982011-05-20T02:09:00.004-04:002011-05-20T02:20:10.816-04:00

A combination of factors including laziness, a missing external hard drive, and more laziness, mean I only have shoddy cell phone picture to share, but aren't they beautiful??? My bean is so big and my hanging baskets (which I made using daiso tupperware and zip ties cause I'm basically macgyver) have little baby radishes growing in them! I've just put in another set of hanging baskets with thyme

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-59233478473304839382011-05-19T03:00:00.003-04:002011-05-19T03:22:47.785-04:00

I admit, sometimes technology seems like a wormhole filled with invisible sharks that everyone else can swim in. There are sharks you can't see people! Get out of the internet! My understanding of 4chan (after multiple explanations from Kyle) is that they own the internet, control the internet, and can kill you on the internet. But I refuse to let the next generation beat me. I'm going to learn

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-85956540504636766632011-05-18T03:15:00.004-04:002011-05-18T03:29:10.792-04:00

I heard that spreadsheets are nice, and a good way to make a monthly budget. This is not an example of that:I downloaded a template from the good folks at moneyproblems.ca, then deleted everything on it and made two categories: food, and everything else. There are absolutely no formulas used. I simply add the columns up and write the total at the bottom. The red numbers are when I've gone over my

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-29916852219811432152011-05-16T20:42:00.002-04:002011-05-16T20:45:30.497-04:00

Bisforcookie gets twitter! Bisforcookie's understanding of twitter is that it's just a facebook status my relatives can't see. Not because it's hidden, but because where I come from tweeting is for fags.twitter.com/bisforcookie !!The best place on the internet your (my) Aunt Lynda can't see.

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-48347752862376234732011-05-15T20:35:00.003-04:002011-05-16T02:20:54.956-04:00

This year's speech topics included 'family', 'my favourite thing', and 'I have a dream'. Most students interpreted the latter along the lines of Martin Luther King Jr. goes to college: my dream is to be a doctor, my dream is to be a lawyer, ect, ect, ad infinitum. One special little girl took things a little more literally though, and we are the richer for it.I Have a Dream, by Kim Su JinHello,

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-33362816443637397572011-05-12T07:21:00.001-04:002011-05-15T01:26:02.797-04:00

We're going to need a bigger speculum.You know, we can fix that.How handsome.Have you given birth recently?Did you come straight from the gym?Ewwww....Don't see that everyday.How retro.Your feet smell.Nurse, can you bring the longer gloves?I used to be a veterinarian.Can you smell that?Can you hear that?So I take it you don't have a boyfriend.Slippery, huh?You know, in some cultures...Have you

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-6599326746297701842011-05-12T06:22:00.000-04:002011-05-13T16:29:14.257-04:00

That dude in the last post, as it turns out, is not my cousin. You'll forgive this mistake after I tell you that I thought he was my cousin becuase we have seven mutual friends on facebook. We have seven mutual friends on facebook. Apparently I'm not the first family member to make this mistake and as it happens I have only five mutual friends with the real cousin, so some people never figured it

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-33149937216077212952011-05-01T20:23:00.007-04:002011-05-01T21:40:04.913-04:00

This morning my mom called to read me a newspaper article, as she often does. My mother is the leading source of shit I don't want to hear. Today's story was about a semi truck accident in the next town over (colloquially known as Fox Vegas). The driver was swerving all over, smashed into the median, police saw he was impaired, searched the rig, found 9 grams of ketamine. "How much is 9 grams?"

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-665763325030471382011-04-28T01:07:00.003-04:002011-04-28T01:14:29.392-04:00

Summer's here bitches.I would drink the hell out of this.

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-86857382916448823702011-04-25T22:51:00.006-04:002011-04-26T01:55:30.222-04:00

If you're trained to be at peak performance at all times, like me, you might be thinking, "Hey! Am I desk warming correctly?" Or if you ever worked a day in your life you might also be thinking, "Shit! That heavy course load and part time job in university really put me on the wrong track." As a follow up you might say, "I wish there was some sort of litmus test to make sure I'm going about this

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-24539324884970896972011-04-24T19:59:00.003-04:002011-04-24T20:07:34.255-04:00

(destination: Daegu, SK)April 19 - Ottawa, CAApril 20 - Toronto, CAApril 21 - London, ENApril 22 - SingaporeApril 23 - Seoul, SKApril 25 - Daegu, SKApril 25 - Seoul, SK...Wait, what?! Fuck!Ughhhhhhhhh......election fail.

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-81392019192761086312011-04-14T20:27:00.006-04:002011-04-20T22:31:32.883-04:00

My shoes were broken and because I have flipper size feet they can't easily be replaced, so I took them to be repaired by a man who works in a little hut by my bus stop. He fixed them while I waited, and ten minutes later my hooves were covered again. He held up two fingers, to which I said, "Ee chun won?" "Ahhh, hangul!" he replied and then we had a short back and forth about the usual small

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-73625695910216478032011-04-06T01:24:00.002-04:002011-04-06T01:25:25.951-04:00

Why is is holding a bike and a wrench? Because he's Bill Fucking Murray. And you wish you were too.I know I do.

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-41085405753610155062011-04-01T03:18:00.003-04:002011-04-01T03:27:19.514-04:00

Sometimes my kids write me letters about how pretty my yellow hair is, or how small my head is, or how good at English I am, and I love it, I love them all. They usually have little drawings of a girl who's supposed to be me, with dimples and a ponytail. But once in a while a very special one comes along that screams, "BAM! THIS IS WHAT I THINK YOU LOOK LIKE, OKAY?"Why do I have so much upper

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-60927557934376869622011-03-23T02:18:00.002-04:002011-03-23T02:24:49.685-04:00

Here are my bebes, asleep in their egg carton beds.Here are my little radishes, who are totally dominating the egg carton community right now.I have lettuce, endive, rashish, bok choy, carrots, basil, tomatoes and beans! The only thing not yet sprouted is the lettuce, it's still in hiding. As soon as I finish my next carton of eggs I'll be planing my strawberries!Aren't plants magical?! I mean,

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-45919158384980383142011-03-17T21:28:00.005-04:002011-03-18T01:09:30.887-04:00

The principal is the coolest, most popular kid in the room. Any room. The principal can tell you to do anything, and you will do it and then think it's awesome, great and wonderful all together. The principal can never do anything wrong. It's impossible! He takes the elevator in the metaphorical game of snakes and ladders because fuck ladders, he's the principal. The principal's dance moves are

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-6226265507750883522011-03-17T01:24:00.004-04:002011-03-17T02:15:42.801-04:00

I went to the doctor twice this week. Once for a cold of which allowing my body to heal itself seemed far too strenuous. Conversation with the doctor:Dr 1: Medications...hmm...have you drank the cold water?Me: I believe the correct answer is....no?Dr 1: Ahh, okay okay, medications yes okay.The next day....Me: After I landed on my butt doing a 9 meter cliff jump my back feels out of place. Also, I

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-37240908396775872112011-03-08T01:56:00.002-05:002011-03-08T02:21:06.567-05:00

Kleenex box monster ftw! Inside are little styrafoam balls marked with the students attendance numbers so I can randomly call on kids, much to their dismay I'm sure. This is kind of like that short story The Lottery. My grade 11 English teacher made us reacreate it, using little scraps of paper, and one was marked with a hand drawn circle. I was so surprised when I opened my hand and saw the

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-68745065211777664022011-03-04T00:51:00.004-05:002011-03-04T01:00:37.069-05:00

You're thinking, "B-tang, what were you going to do with the ladyfriend juice-box doll? What clever feats of wit were up your sleeve?"Ask, and ye shall be answered. Behold a ms-paint rendering of what I would have done if there weren't people in my office now who would look at me strangly if I were setting up a puppet diorama.Was it worth spending most of an afternoon on a joke about circumcision

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-71866971131549524242011-03-03T22:09:00.003-05:002011-03-03T22:24:12.311-05:00

As it turns out, my juice-box couple were actually just hiding in my garbage drawer. I might have put them in there myself, in fact I definitely did, because I keep that drawer locked lest my co-workers see what's in the drawer and think I'm more insane than they already do. Allow me to explain.My office doesn't recycle. I mean a system by which one could recycle simply does not exist. As a

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-22305216246907868752011-03-01T21:20:00.004-05:002011-03-01T22:11:18.946-05:00

Remember this guy? Well in the days leading up to vacation I made him a fabulous girlfriend. She had green underpants and long pink hair and together they kept me company during the long, lonely deskwarming days. We laughed when the admin forgot to turn the heat on for me...everyday. When I ate ramen noodles everyday they told me how good they smelled and they were sure that the seasoning packets

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-16586369487479760052011-01-15T03:51:00.002-05:002011-01-15T03:58:29.769-05:00

Sometimes I don't brush my hair for weeks at a time, and then my hair starts to give birth to little baby dreadlocks in the back. It makes me feel like maybe I'm doing something wrong with my life, but I can't put my finger on what. I think I'll start putting my dirty kleenex in the garbage from now on. Maybe one day when there's no clean bowls I'll just wash one instead of eating cereal from a

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-51716571332266191732010-12-31T00:46:00.004-05:002010-12-31T00:50:52.822-05:00

When it came down to it, organizing my desk was just not as interesting as making a juice-box friend.I was left alone in my office with 7 boxes of milk. I'm working my way through the chocolate so there'll be more juice box friends coming and if I'm desperate I might even drink the nasty strawberry milk.Happy New Year everyone!

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-53491935168841403382010-12-20T00:29:00.016-05:002010-12-20T01:33:40.037-05:00

My class schedule was goofed this week so I only had my cell phone to take pictures of their thumbprint cards, but if you think poor quality is going to stop be from posting this cute-fest, you're sorely mistaken.On the inside this one said:Dear Santa,I think I was a good girl this year. I would like to have a cat for my Christmas present. Please give me a pet! My pet dead so I was very sad. If

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-19584751446423069962010-12-16T19:23:00.015-05:002010-12-16T20:57:40.536-05:00

Glue guns are so much fun. For 5,000 won you can adhere anything to anything via molten stickiness. What's not to love? Not my sparkly pincone wreath, that's for darn sure.Start by taking your least favourite coat hanger and bending it into a circle. Leave the hook bit, as it will continue to serve as a hook. Then glue bits of nature all over it; I started with some green pine needle-y branches,

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-11374647245183667832010-12-13T00:23:00.003-05:002010-12-13T00:30:17.568-05:00

This shirt beats all other Konglish shirts. You will never see a better shirt. I want you to understand that are about to see the winner of the 'who can find the best konglish shirt' competition that we're all unofficially playing. This is it. Are you ready? Maybe you should have some tp handy in case you pee your pants. Okay, here it goes:Call to arms for allchunkily-penised boysto do her right

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-2906745512373149942010-12-06T00:09:00.006-05:002010-12-06T01:44:48.381-05:00

This week's tip comes from grade 5 chapter 16: How was your vacation? This cultural tip has seemingly nothing to do with the lesson, but it's still nice and offensive so they threw it in just for funsies. Enjoy. 1. Nursing home in America. Usually, in America, the elderly live alone. Unlike the elderly in Korea, who are supported by their oldest son. In America there are certain care centers

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-83831532901986372012010-11-29T01:39:00.000-05:002010-11-30T01:14:10.492-05:00

It's passport renewal time for me, an excrutiating process that comes once every five years, just long enough that you've juuuust barely forgotten what a horrible teeth pulling experience it was last time.In order to recieve a Canadian passport you must sumbit a urine sample, your maternal grandmothers dental records, and $200 in unmarked $2 bills (withdrawn from circulation in 1996). The

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-58236825649541040912010-11-13T00:07:00.017-05:002010-11-13T01:14:00.752-05:00

How? Why? Not just in November, but like, in general. Do you mean to tell me that the unicorns couldn't make it on the boat but Noah was all like, "Mosquitoes? Two? Check. This way fellas. Do you need a drink before we push off?"These photos are from two seperate occassions a while back and warning, some of them are unpleasant.First up: emotastic mouth swelling.Gratuitous mouth shots:Ready for

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-36633092860917133812010-11-10T23:30:00.005-05:002010-11-12T01:21:47.257-05:00

This week I marked grade 6 diaries. I was lucky enough to find two stories about hamsters. Wednesday, November 10thMy hamster had a babies. My hamster didn't move much yesterday. She was busy taking care of her babies. The babies were really small and red. I wish they grow up fast. My friend asked me to give him one so I promised but I don't want to.These damn kids are making hamster promises

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-24195489414869783822010-11-04T01:49:00.007-04:002010-11-04T02:46:05.247-04:00

...is what they said when they told me 23 hours in advance that I had to do an open class. For a competition. With judges. But to save you from that tirade I'm going to rant about something else."Pleaseh washee the desks.""Sure, what should I use?"The answer was cold water and a rag. To scrub graffiti off 31 desktops. Soap? No soap. No sir. Apparently Koreans need only sheer willpower to wash

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-629942513156772392010-10-27T01:32:00.003-04:002010-10-27T01:39:44.515-04:00

Hey!You, hey!Don't do that.What are you doing?Show me your hands.What is that?Glue?You're smelling glue?Don't do that.It's his glue?Why is it all over your hands?I don't care.No you can't wash it.Sit there with a hand full of glue and think about what you've done.Because. I. Said. So.It must be said, I love being in charge.

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-42009919693675034562010-10-21T06:47:00.010-04:002010-10-21T07:50:29.396-04:00

The weatherIs blessedly coolerWhen I open my window a cool breeze entersAutumnal melancholy followsSo do the mosquitoesThey bite meso many times toomanytimesInsert vampirical pop culture referenceYet the swift wind ushers in reliefand my swass free ass rejoicesThe windIt also brings the sounds of my neighbours domestic violenceA witty follow up would be inappropriate heretoo soontoo soon.Do they

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-19219382249194488112010-10-13T09:37:00.004-04:002010-10-13T09:56:03.576-04:00

Today I killed a bug in anger.It wasn't bothering me. It wasn't in my house. It wasn't even moving. But I was angry because for the 10,000th time this year I'm getting sick and I'm tired of coughing. I'm so, so tired and so I stomped it. I've been in a semi-permanent state of illness since March and yet I've still not come up with a solution to the projectile-phlegm-into-hand problem. Slurp it

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-30953354211059870092010-10-05T00:07:00.006-04:002010-10-05T02:50:45.386-04:00

Today a boy of about five looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Hello teacher. Blah blah de blee blo bladdy blah blah bloo."I looked back at him and said "Anyonghaseyo. Ehyo, yehyo, kaka seyo imnida, eh, eh," followed by a series of grunts.Sounds about right.

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-84994350384998811802010-09-30T06:09:00.007-04:002010-10-01T00:46:06.989-04:00

the good thing about not bringing enough toilet paper into the bathroom stall and having to do an awkward bow legged walk back out to get more and hoping no one noticed you going back for round two... the good thing about that is that the worst part of my day is probably over.

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-49140840582053982932010-09-29T21:44:00.007-04:002010-10-04T02:38:31.230-04:00

Today the grade five tend du jour was wearing your hoodie backwards with the hood pulled up over your face. Puhlease Jin-ho, you act like you've never seen Kris Kross before. Take a history class already; you're not novel and you should know as much.I think today's trend was specifically designed to traipse on my last exposed nerve, but the laugh's on you, you tiny little assholes. Any prank that

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-76688930152339295372010-09-28T01:11:00.002-04:002010-09-28T01:22:03.057-04:00

Rewind. Repeat. It's so good. It hits me right in the fedora loving spot. It tickles my barefoot lady keyboardist boner and then I start to rock in my office chair, that slight recline bounce, while flexing my right thigh muscle to the beat. Yeah. Muuuuusic.Here it is, via video recording of my favourite Canadian radio show hosted by a man named Gian. And no, not the only one.Texico Bitches.

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-7828668236567662252010-09-27T01:17:00.003-04:002010-09-27T01:29:53.816-04:00

This week's cultural tips come from the Grade 6 lesson: I'm Stronger Than You. This week's topic: Cultural Gestures.Thumb up: it means 'OK(agreement, permission)', 'number one', 'president', 'best', etc.Thumb down: it means 'negation', 'objection', 'kill', etc. This has originated from the Roman gladiators' match in which the lost gladiator's life was up to whether the audiences held their thumbs

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-69770982520398499122010-09-16T23:51:00.003-04:002010-09-17T00:14:08.060-04:00

Quote of the week:Kid one: "You're under attack!"Kid two: "Your FACE is under attack!"Then, during the "Pick-Up-The-Garbage-As-Fast-As-You-Can" activity, Kid two smeared glue on both his hands and proceeded to scramble around on the floor high-fiving the shit out of every piece of garbage that crossed his path.I applaud your innovation Kid two. I applaud your inability to applaud becuase your

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-27995825156009385842010-09-03T02:57:00.006-04:002010-09-03T03:11:59.404-04:00

It's like a snuggie, only more retarded.Look, you can comfortably cross your legs while lieing on your back in your living room! Sure you might be more likely to die becuase you can't put your hands out to catch yourself if you trip, but it's perfect for camping sleepwalkers who don't want the hassel of getting in and out of their sleeping bags. The full leg zipper is also a great option if you

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-7558082924749391212010-09-02T01:35:00.006-04:002010-09-02T02:03:10.827-04:00

Top 4 Reasons Why Typhoons are Superior To Snowstorms4. Typhoons have names. They're so epic you can call them by a proper noun. No one ever names snowstorms and rightly so because Snowstorm Bob, or Heavy Flurries Marg just doesn't have the same ring.3. Typhoons are sexy. I don't really know what a typhoon is! I think there's wind and maybe rain but there an air of mystery about the whole thing

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-35980373337725161752010-09-01T00:04:00.007-04:002010-09-01T00:51:10.275-04:00

If you had told me when I was eight years old that one day, when I was allllll grown up, I would eat seaweed four, maybe five times a week I would have laughed in your face, hard but only one syllable; HAH. I would have said, "You're craaaaaaazy! Did you take your crazy pill today?" And then I would have said, "Mind your own beeswax," but that's because I was a snotty little witch, as my mother

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-41499153150420409362010-08-31T02:45:00.003-04:002010-08-31T02:50:15.599-04:00

Thanks google translate.If this is true, then the sentance I'm translating says: "After class Andy went to eat lunch in a restaurant. Then he went to the bank to get some money and SHIT IS GONE." I hear you bro. My shit's gone all the time.And yes, that is Alanis Morissette on the youtube tab. Don't judge me, my SHIT IS GONE.

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-88789166509522862602010-08-26T01:23:00.006-04:002010-08-26T01:28:38.258-04:00

During an innocent search for the location of an ice skating rink (or, as we say in Canada, a skating rink) wikimapia showed me a little somethin' somethin' extra.Russian whores at 35.88N and 128.586E. Right where I left 'em.

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-58881220525199326372010-08-24T22:37:00.000-04:002010-08-25T01:49:51.910-04:00

Back from holidays, back to work, if you can call it that. Only in Korea would you have to play musical desk chairs becuase there's not enough computers for everyone in the one air conditioned office. While we were away I recieved a facebook message from my aunt asking how I was doing and what a typical week was like for me in North Korea.My family thinks I live in North Korea.I could assume this

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-70328650868380145672010-08-23T03:15:00.003-04:002010-08-23T03:25:04.822-04:00

Vacation is over and I'd love to tell you about that or where my relatives think I'm living (hint: not South Korea) but instead I'll share a little tidbit from my experience interviewing potential (Korean) English teachers at my school today.Interviewer (me): In the class some students have a lower level of English than others, how do you think you will teach them in the group?Interviewee: I sink

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-23031525414701854502010-08-06T12:19:00.003-04:002010-08-06T12:30:23.340-04:00

Scene: Brittney opens the sliding door between the living/bedroom and enters the kitchen/everything else room.Brittney: Oh my god it's murder hot in here.Kyle is on the computer, unresponsive.Brittney: It's sooo hot in here, it's like there's a fi- oh. my. god. you left the stove on.Kyle grunts, or something.Brittney: The butter melted all over the counter it's so hot in here.Kyle: That could

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-38998946526453131822010-08-04T20:43:00.008-04:002010-08-04T22:29:49.202-04:00

*The following should be read in a thick Korean accent and slow, simplified English for the parts of Andy and Myself, respectively. Picture if you will a Mr. Onioyshi a la Breakfast at Tiffany's (but drunk) in conversation with the redmedial kindergarten teacher at the short bus school.*This story was told over the course of several hours, with each point emphasized and then remphasized for

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-12656523653419624662010-08-03T21:06:00.008-04:002010-08-04T03:12:27.833-04:00

Unknowingly and unintentionally, you will learn things about yourself. Such as:1. I have the attention span of a fruit fly who forgot to take his ritalin after eating three to five sugar cubes. 2. Knitting is only as interesting as the other thing you're doing while you're knitting. If the other thing you're doing is watching a video recording of a Canadian radio talk show, then knitting's only

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-58242635358313485282010-07-29T21:21:00.004-04:002010-08-03T02:49:16.035-04:00

My Tuesday afternoon mix-tape. You know, for those electro dance parties when there's no one else in the office and you start talking to yourself just to hear something above the drone of the aircon. "Wig out with your cock out!" - Ghandi. Wise words.File this one under pre-teen, hipster, electro, sparkly, gay boy. Bonus: he raps. You should really watch the whole thing.The sweetest singer and a

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-87690552387488692592010-07-28T22:43:00.010-04:002010-07-29T22:29:07.510-04:00

My mother's package arrived! Did you know if you're not home to recieve your packaage in Korea they don't send it to the nearest post office? Instead it travels many miles to a not near post office and then they send you deep into the bowels of the postal system, past rows upon rows upon rows of men sorting mail by hand (Why by hand? Surely they have machines for that).My package contained: 3

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-91180059361446278172010-07-26T06:31:00.006-04:002010-07-26T06:46:06.299-04:00

Instead of fixing up the previous jewlery stand I made, I got a new one instead! Here's how you can too can have this great piece of art.Step one: pay close attention to garabge on the street for upwards of four months until you find something useful, for example, a picture frame filled with floral print cordaroy.Step two: inspect for bugs.Step three: take it home.Step four: shove your earrings

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-63610260272034773562010-07-15T22:12:00.007-04:002010-07-15T22:43:49.026-04:00

I've had about seventeen colds in the last four months so when I got this last one I thought fuck it, I'm not going to tough this out. I'm no hero. I'm going to go to the doctor and get the miracle drugs everyones been talking about. I want the shot in the butt and 50 pills before each meal and I want to feel better, damnit.On the door of Mr. Lee's Internal Medicine Clinic it said 'Mr. Lee's

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-42713494330554238102010-07-10T01:28:00.009-04:002010-07-13T02:37:35.572-04:00

Exerpts from a recent phone conversation with my Mother. On fan death:...well maybe there's some truth to that. No, no, no no no, no there's not.On my 17 year old brother's gf:...I ran into a woman at the bank who's related to this girl and she said "All I can say is that I hope he has a lot of comdoms." She's only 14 but I know she's been active for a while. And her mother practices

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-23515389700728430412010-07-09T00:58:00.010-04:002010-07-09T02:58:36.713-04:00

Vajazzling So I'm watching an episode of Chelsea Lately at my desk, which is what I always do when I stare too hard at my Korean homework and it starts to look like squiggles. This is what I get for trying to conjugate verbs. "Call out the music yo!" It's like a weird rap square dance or something.Chels (like I know her) was interviewing Jennifer Love Hewwit, or as I liked to call her in high

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-86101358513284219902010-07-01T21:32:00.001-04:002010-07-02T03:25:37.368-04:00

Work-out update:Of the three kilos I gained after joining the gym I have lost one of them, making me only two kilos heavier than when I started. "But Brittney, don't you feel better?" "It's more important to be healthy." Like fuck. If I wanted to be healthy I'd probably start with cutting my alcohol consumption down to the double digits. I don't want to be healthy, I want to be skinny. Like,

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-63213773101138851612010-06-28T02:53:00.003-04:002010-06-28T03:02:15.618-04:00

Ever stand in a scalding hot shower for four days? Looking forward to it.hah, i love that the search still says 'how to take a screenshot.' The previous searches were 'how to be more tech-savvy than a 9 year old' and 'why don't i already know this shit?' i think i'll ask jeeves next time.

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-24221483040751006962010-06-27T11:30:00.007-04:002010-06-28T01:57:45.716-04:00

America, I'm glad you lost. For being so damn good at everything,For being good at things you don't even care about,For sweeping the olympics every four years since Zeus himself lit the torch,For being cocky about it,For not understanding why Canadians would cheer for England,For stealing our hockey players,For stealing Beckham,Aw hell, for stealing Victoria,For adding 'fuck yea' to your

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-16916050459034723932010-06-27T11:26:00.008-04:002010-06-29T03:09:58.955-04:00

Memo to the Maldives:I know you've been looking for a new homeland, what with the water level in the bathrub getting too high and all (back story here), and I think I might have found a few places for you. Here's the specs:The first one is quite an old piece of land, but it was remodelled in the late '40's. I'll be honest, the neighbourhood had kind of a bad reputation, but I think some new blood

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-88727512972620181232010-06-23T21:32:00.004-04:002010-06-23T22:19:07.358-04:00

10:32 on a Thursday: decided to calculate the amount of work I've done this week. I normally do math by hyperbole (47 apples plus 92 apples? That's like, a bazillion apples) so you know I mean business when I break out the calcumolator.This week I will have taught 9 classes, each 40 minutes long for a total of 360 minutes of teaching time. Zero prep time.I must be in this strange prison for 40

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-75582630769858943742010-06-23T00:10:00.004-04:002010-06-23T00:48:46.413-04:00

penghu. google image. drool.44 more days! Time to order some books for reading in between bouts of blissful beachside vegetation. Note: I don't read anything sad, scary, or depressing. I don't like characters who do bad things or plots where something bad happens. Any suggestions???

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259717706645308866.post-30177404164890899602010-06-17T02:13:00.003-04:002010-06-17T02:15:33.158-04:00

Nose q-tips. For those boogers that just won't blow.

bisforcookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882663768377806662noreply@blogger.com0