Thursday, November 4, 2010

You Must Makee Good Performanceh what they said when they told me 23 hours in advance that I had to do an open class. For a competition. With judges. But to save you from that tirade I'm going to rant about something else.

"Pleaseh washee the desks."

"Sure, what should I use?"

The answer was cold water and a rag. To scrub graffiti off 31 desktops. Soap? No soap. No sir. Apparently Koreans need only sheer willpower to wash away "Min-Su is a smelly bum bum" written in pen.

As I was scrubbing, fruitlessly, it occurred to me that some people actually don't know how to clean very well. To clarify: I hate cleaning, I avoid it at all costs, but I do know how. I remember very clearly learning to vacuum in the kitchen of my old house. We moved out of that house when I was eight, you do the math. Vacuuming was all about the linoleum pattern back then; up two squares, back two squares, over two squares, repeat. Up two, back two, over two, repeat. I knew instinctively that this sucked balls, and I believe I said so. In a fantastic display of parenting my mom said if I didn't want to vacuum I had to go to my room. Oh! You meant vacuum? I looove that shit. Pleasepleaseplease let me vacuum, I cried. And I screamed. Wailed even. But the damage was done, silly girl. I spent the rest of the afternoon in my room. Except not in my own room - that's just an expression, right? I was sent to my parent's room, because being sent to my own room would be too much fun on account of the toys. My parent's room had precious few toys except the texas mickey filled with spare change. The point is I know how to vacuum. The kicker? I've never owned a vaccuum in my entire adult life.

I used to think it was very obvious that one should always sweep (or vacuum), then mop, in that order. I used to think this was obvious because I've seen how mud is formed. Then I saw my former hell-bitch roommate making mudpies up and down the hallway and realized this was not the case. She was a white african princess though, so she cannot be blamed for nearly anything. Then the students helping to clean the classroom did the same thing today! Mind boggling.

I suppose the real point here is that I'm better than most people. Or wasn't that clear to you?

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