Sunday, May 31, 2009
My brothers accidentally went to a gay rave. Reilly almost hit on a tranny.
Reilly mentions going to strip clubs at dinner. Mom says audibly in a busy restaurant, 'That boy's going to get aids.'
Jet boat white water rapid ride in the Saint Lawrence. Garrett smiles for the first time.
I'm sure there are other hilarious/painful things but right now I am so exhausted that all I want to do is cry into a glass of vodka. Tears make a great mix, probably to do with the salt.
Go stand over there in front of the old stuff.
Go stand over there in front of the....nothing.
National Lampoon's got nothing on us.
Friday, May 29, 2009
It's like raaaaain on your graduation day.
We took both brothers out to th bar last night and it turns out the 15 year old can hold his liquor better than the 20 year old who took off by himself, got lost, belligerent and ended up making it home by calling his friend back in Alberta who looked up the directions online. In other news both my brothers apparently smoke and Garrett is a surprisingly good dancer for an awkward 6"2 kid.
There is so much more, and 4 cameras of photos, but I have to go cook for the masses and run hungover tour guides. Party time excellent.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
So much easier being emo with straight hair.
Only cost four months pay.
Expensive haircut, low paying job.
But it's all okay because I start scooping ice cream for a living tomorrow! Thank you first class university degree, thank you.
FAMILY COMING! Lord have mercy.
I'm going to douse myself in bleach and fling my body around the house until everything is clean. Momma Drysdale sees invisible dirt.
Also, Momma D. has a keen eye for weight gain. Must lose 30 pounds by tomorrow. Or realistically, maybe just 20 by Thursday. Enema enema enema!
Momma D. is also rocking the short bus so must get wheelchair today. Considering wheeling myself home, but how to get in it without anyone seeing me use my legs?
Forgot to register for my cap/gown/furry cape so there is a chance I actually won't walk across the stage. HAH! Also probably won't get actual diploma due to library fines. Excellent.
ANXIETY LEVEL? ALL TIME HIGH!
Monday, May 25, 2009
Grilled Tomatoes with Feta and Oregano.....and a Hot Dog.
The hot dog was for protein. Don't judge.
There really isn't anything special that makes this burger delicious other than it has chips in it and it was one of the first late summer barbecues in the backyard.
Marinated Broccoli Salad
- Broccoli, chopped up smallish.
- Red Onion, chop it up chop it up.
- Green Onion, more chop chop chop.
- Cranberries, rough chop. Cranberry you nasty.
- Nuts, I used peanuts because that's what I had in the cupboard but it would have been nicer with walnuts or almonds.
- Creamy poppyseed dressing, like the one from my spinach salad.
The onions made me cry like a menstruating woman watching a kleenex commercial after her boyfriend dumped her and there's no chocolate in the house.
Poached Eggs & Potatoe Latkes
For the latkes I (read: sous chef Kyle) shredded up some potatoes, added an egg, salt and pepper and then friend it up in some melted butter. I read a recipe where it said to add some flour but I forgot and it still worked.
I used to be nervous about poaching eggs, the idea of just dumping an egg into a pot of water and it not just floating all away sounds preposterous to me. But then I watched a show where they said that you should give the water a little swirl around which helps the white hook up with the yolk. And don't forget vinegar in the water, I don't know why, it's just the way it works.
This one got away from me, but it looked cool and magically didn't break, so it's all good in the hood.
All you need to make a decent risotto is the right rice (something short and round like Arborio), butter, chicken or veggie stock, cheese and time. Add the stock slowly, stir carefully so you don't break up the rice, be liberal with the cheese and pull it off the heat while the rice is still al dante. That's it that's all.
Peach Blackberry Pie
Thea actually made this, hence the artistic rendering of a magestic cock. It was both the best tasting cock and pie I've ever had.
Late Night Desserts (Ice Cream, Ginger Cookies & Peaches, Oh My!)
Om nom nom.
Friday, May 22, 2009
We found this gal on the street, all wrinkled up and thrown out, but then that's to be expected of last years calendar I suppose. She now takes up permanent residence on our bathroom door, angelically watching over the living room and bestowing chainsaw boners on all who cross her path.
I will now recreate this stunning image for you. Boners away Dove. Let's do this.
I don't have the coy half smirk down, mine is more constipated librarian, but I think I get an B+ on the hair considering I didn't have access to a wind machine.
Next down, titties:
The cup eth too big.
And broken, but alas 'tis mine only white
bra and I cannea afford another.
And finally, the piece de photoshop resistance:
I did some quick measurements and proportion wise her legs take up 60% of the length of her body. Mine hover at somewhere near 23%. Top tall bro, top tall. However, if photoshop were to correct my knockknees that might boost me skyward a little. Plus, and I'm not sure if this is possible, but if you could just split that one leg in two right down the middle we might reach approximately the same width as Bambi over there. I'm slightly more moose than deer.
Obviously I left out the most important part, but unfortunately I seem to have misplaced my gigantic chainsaw. The closest thing I had was a puny handsaw and nobody likes a handsaw. Too much chafing. When it comes to babes and power tools you just can't fake it, although the google image search results of those two things suggest you can do anything with a little disinfectant and a camera.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
- raw food vegan diet. Vetoed due to a) my love of warm food and b) my lack of desire to become a know-it-all jerk face.
- salt water. This I'm not sure about because it seems counter intuitive if I want to rehydrate. I'm going to look into this further though.
- Laxative. Vetoed due to my already finethankyou bowel movements.
- Exercise and properly balanced diet.... nahhhhhhh.
If anyone has ideas of how to cleanse myself without actually cleansing anything, or furthermore actually doing anything, please let me know. I look forward to giving it much thought before not doing it.
Also, this weekend I saw the new Dane Cook special and I actually laughed which was startling and potentially life changing (the bit about my life wherein I don't like Dane Cook except for his handsome arm muscles). Can someone please verify if this is a legit reaction or merely due to my perma-buzz. Ahh sank you sank you.
Maine vacay update to come.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Today I thought the most awesome thing I did was leap from the dock onto a moving barge loaded with garbage, but then I poured flaming ouzo onto the table and smoked the vapours through a bendy straw so now I'm not sure. Plus I got so loaded in the sauna that I jumped into a freezing new england lake in the middle of the night. I think it's a three way tie.
The glass is neither half full nor half empty but rather two sizes too large.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
The glorified rats dug up my fucking garden so fortifications were made. Unfortunately the 'chicken wire' turned out to only look like metal and in fact was made of plastic so they'll probably chew through it in no time. Plus it's held together with twist ties. Details. Then we littered the ground with cayanne powder becuase we read it burns their little paws. However i don't considering that most of the squirrels in Montreal look like they've been chewing on a crack pipe I'm not sure a little cayanne powder is going to bother them.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
This is Tay, holding seeds. Isn't she gorg? xoxo!
Here is one of our many fine potted plants. Mint for moijitos, yay!
This one is basilic, which is french for marijuana I'm told.
This is the dirt we worked up.
This is a ring I found working up the dirt, it's also a bottle opener, which is great because it really matches my pucca shell necklace.
What a hoe!! Actually it's a rake. What a rake!!
This is me yakking about how far apart the pea rows should be although I don't know the first thing about peas or rows.
This is a row of peas.
Here we have onions, beets and carrots.
Tomates in the corner, hopefully killer variety.
If you thought that was interesting, then stay tuned because I plan to document every inch of my plants lives. Assuming they grow. Please grow little plants, I'm going to run out of money soon and I'm counting on you for a source of nourishment during these troubled times. Sleep tight little seeds.