Yesterday I was marking grade six midterm exams and the answer to number one of the written portion of the test was 'lion,' but I came across one paper where a student had written 'sulsa' instead. I had no idea what that was, so I asked my co-teacher if she knew what it meant. Turns out dear little Jun Ho, confused by which animal was stronger, the lion or the rabbit, decided to write the Korean word for diarrhea, but with English letters. This is, after all, an English exam. Points for creativity Jun Ho.

It's Friday Bitches

And I'm going to sing this in my head for the next 3 hours.
Oooh I wanna drink with somebody
I wanna feel the heat of some whiskey
Yeah I wanna do shots with somebody
With somebody who's thiiiiirsty

Happy happy weekend!

Sun comes out, I get burned. Never a miscommunication. Proof of God.

Classtime

Sometimes I call on random students to answer questions. Today a boy was reluctant to stand up, which is not unusual, but then he kept trying to pull his t-shirt down, which is less so. Everyone started laughing and I feared it was a puberty related embarrassment, but no. Rather, this boy had rolled the legs of his shorts up and tucked them in so it looked like he was wearing little denim underpants. An effective use of class time if ever I've seen one.

Conversation with a Douche

Douche: Where are you from?

Me: Canada.

Douche: Or as I like to call it, Amer-i-can't.

Me: Actually, I prefer Amer-i-won't.

Douche: (deadpan, with hint of disdain) ...witty.

Exit Douche stage left.

Strongly Worded Letter

I often write strongly worded letters to people who deserve strongly delivered kicks to the ass, but I rarely send them. Today is different friends, today I stand up to the man. Well, some of the men. And probably several women in fairness. Let's just call them the Evildoing Men and Women of the World, or "banks" for short.

(The backstory is that, in my newly acquired financial awareness I would like to review the transactions made on my credit thus far this year. BMO Mastercard "Making Money Make Sense" has a different idea about how and when I can view my own damn money.)

Good morning,

I am trying to review my transaction history with BMO Mastercard for my own records and I do not receive paper copies of my statements as I live overseas. If I am to understand your website correctly, it will costs me $5* of my own money simple to SEE the charges I've made with my own aforementioned money (and the interest payments to you no less) prior to the last three months as you choose not to make those visible via online banking.

If I am correct in this understanding please let me know as I would like to cancel my credit card as soon as possible.

Thank you for your understanding,

B-tang

*To clarify that's five (5) dollars FOR EACH FUCKING MONTHLY STATEMENT, which cannot be viewed online if it's older than 3 months for god knows what arbitrary reason so will cost additional money to mail the paper copy.

This is my line in the sand. The only thing I will be spending $5 is to have my shoe cleaned after I remove it from their ass. Good day sir. I said good day.

This awkward looking photo is of me modelling a dress I MADE! Well mostly made, with a ton of help from the terrific and terribly talented Tina.

My mirror at home is shit, so I took this photo on vacation which is why I'm wearing my vacation hat and my vacation sunglasses and doing my vacation awkward-mouth-expression, it's classic "Vacation B-tang."

The top is actually a t-shirt that I sewed, very crookedly, onto a piece of fabric that used to be a rectangle but is now a skirt shape. I cover up all sewing mistakes and muffin tops with a belt. My motto in life is "Just put a belt on it!" which comes from a lifetime of shopping at Value Village and sales racks with weird sizes, but I think it's applicable to a lot of other things.

This might be the only photo of China that makes it up because I do so hate uploading photos.