Pancake Pancake Baker's Man

The sun was shining deceitfully when I woke up this afternoon, concealing the cold realities beyond the window, and that means one thing: pancakes. Also known as natures way of delaying my route to school. These are the pancakes my mom makes, they're called Fluffy Pancakes, and the recipe comes from one of those old timey coil bound cookbooks that have fallen apart sometime over the last century and the faded cover says something like United Church Wives Farmer's Almanac Cookbook 1979. The pancake page was always loose and difficult to find...not unlike your favorite prostitute.

That being said, I've actually forgotten the recipe at home but I want so badly not to do schoolwork that I'm just going to guess at it for you. You are welcome.

Fluffy Pancakes
2 cups flour
3 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
2 cups milk
2 eggs (separated)
2 tbsp melted butter

Mix up the dry stuffs. Then mix up the wet stuffs, but only put in the egg yolks. The whites you're going to save and beat stiff...like the pimp does to your favorite prostitute. If for some reason you have small children or idiots around the house you're going to want to make sure they don't mistake these egg whites for whipped cream, that's just one life lesson best not learned the hard way. If your hand blender is broken this could take a while. I suggest recruiting a boyfriend for this task, he likely has overdeveloped forearm muscles anyway. Oh, you don't have a boyfriend? You're eating alone? Oh, I'm so sorry. You must have your own overdeveloped forearms then. The egg whites should make peaks and look something like this:


So now you're going to pour the wets into the drys and mix out the lumps. If you are either fruitie or tootie you can go ahead and throw in some deliciousness. I'm a purist so I restrict this to either straw and blue berries, but if you insist on mango chocolate chip bubblegum pancakes, that is both your perogative and your mistake. Then you're going to fold, yes fold, the egg whites in. This is the key to the fluffiness - the egg whites make the pancakes go 'poof' but not if you stir them in too much. As with classy ladies and their accessories, less is really more.

Heat up your griddle, or your fry pan, or even your hot plate. Slap some butter down in there and then pour away. My friend's dad used to own a restaurant and he'd make me pancakes in the shape of teddy bears with blueberries for buttons any time of the day. I am still no match for that, but circles are good too in their own little way. Flip them when they bubble like this:

If you're even halfway competant they should look like this:

If your salary figures are greater than six, or you're heir to a Cabane a Sucre fortune, you can put liquid gold in the form of maple syrup on them. If not, suck it up with Aunt Jemmima (fact: real person and first living trademark. She was a former slave and her real name was Nancy Green.) or you can just butter them up and eat them plain.

Pancakes in morning light. And by morning I mean mid-to-late afternoon.

If you're anything like me your kitchen will look like this post-pancakes:

Clean that shit up, loser.