Friday, February 26, 2010


Remember that Korean medical torture test I did last week? We got the results back today, delivered in what is rapidly appearing to be true Korean style: only minute pieces of information on a need to know basis. I pull the paper out of the envelope and the only words in English are "AIDS - Negative," and I agree, AIDS is definitely negative. Sometimes I think "Hey AIDS, have your heard about the power of positive thinking?" It's a secret. I mean it's The Secret, as in the one seen on Oprah. But what about HIV? Is it still negative if it's not even full blown AIDS? I'd like to think so, but only the Korean medical system knows for sure.

Underneath the AIDS slot there are several other boxes for the battery of tests they ran on us. Negative, negative, negative, positive, nega-WHAT? Positive? To be positive is generally a negative thing in these cases and this paper is saying I'm positive for circle-squiggle-backwards E-square-squiggle (this is what Korean looks like to me). What the fuck does that mean????

I folded my paper casually and put it back in it's envelope; there were about a hundred other people milling around and I didn't want to draw attention to my test results and impending death, not to mention the loss of my job for which I had signed the contract only two and a half minutes ago.

But I start to hear others murmuring; 'Do you know what this means?' 'Does anyone else have a positive?' I take this as promising, because surely not all of us have Cotard's Syndrome or whatever else they tested us for (the belief that you are dead or have lost your internal organs, btw). Long and stressful story short, someone found someone who found someone who knew that the circle's and squiggles were arranged in such a manner as to say whether or not you've had your hepatitis vaccines. Which I have. Even though my mother thinks that vaccines are bad for you. I think that not having hepatitis is a positive, and evidentally my medical report agrees.

I've just moved into my apartment in Daegu today, pictures to follow soon. I'm sure you'll be as stoked on the Hello Kitty bathroom motif as I was. When in Rome....Hello Kitty with the Romans?

No comments: