Well the year is winding down and so it's time to re-cap my top 11 beauty tips from the past year. I hope the new year finds you prettier than the last.
1. Wear makeup. It helps hide the ugly, or at least provides an interesting distraction.
2. Don't wash your hair. Everyone pretends not to notice it's greasy anyway.
3. Try to be younger. Not look younger, but actually if you can reverse time as it applies to your face you'll be prettier. Unless you rewind too far, amIright teenage years?
6. Plus bronzer, duh. What are we vampires? Oh wait, those are popular.
7. Stop using facial expressions, they cause wrinkles. Plus everyone will be afraid of you.
8. It's inhumane to use horse-hair makeup brushes. Instead, use the wings of a live monarch butterfly.
9. To prevent clumps on your mascara wand, have your dog lick it first.
10. Use vagasil as a moisturizer on your face to prevent fine lines and wrinkles. Plus, no annoying facial discharge!
11. The eyes are the window to the soul, but your breath is the window to your lunch. Fight bad breath by taking a sip of your favourite perfume after meals.
Yours in Beauty,
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