Teacher's Day was Saturday, which is the best kind of Teacher's Day becuase I wasn't in school, but I returned Monday to several notes from students on my desk. They were folded ornately in origami shapes and most were perfectly legible becuase my students are really good at English, but the best ones are from the low levels. Enjoy.
Hello! Do you know me? I'm Kee Gyeong Kim and English nme is Jasmine in Grade 5-2. Are class is very noisy isn't it? I like english class...and I'm pretty well!!! I went to Phillipines when I was Grade 2 and come back in Grade 4 and half. I like you very much ~ when I first saw you I was happy to see you and you looked pretty either. Isn't it hard when the class are noisy and your thrut hurts. Teacher Brittney than you for teaching us and I love you teacher Brittney. Have a good time in Teacher's day. - Lee Gyeong Kim.
Hello teahcer Brittney. I'm Se Rin from 5-2 class. Thank you for teaching us with a kind heart. And I should tell you HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY! I think teacher, you are very beautiful and clever. So I like you teacher. I think Brittney teacher is a very good teacher and lastly really have a good week and happy teacher's day! Bye bye teacher. - Se Rin.
Hello, teacher? I'm Hyun dong Lee. Today is Teacher's day! You teaches every Tuesday. And your lesson is funny. But I usually talk and it is noise....so I'm sorry to you. I decide I don't make noise your lesson. Have to nice Saturday and Teacher's day. Good bye teacher. - Hyun dong Lee.
Brittney teacher! Today is teachers day. Today is very very important today. Teacher today is happy? Teacher I'm happy. Teacher today I go to ever rand. I feel so good! Teacher do you like music I very like the music class. Teacher I love to english class. -Choi Jin Myoung.
Too cute!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Oh Dear
Situation: I opened the cupboard that normally contains plates, cups, bowls and the like only to find a bottle of soy sauce where cup no.2 should be (I have 3 cups).
Additional Facts: My soy sauce bottle is quite large. Specifically, my soy sauce bottle is taller than the height of my cupboard shelf. Said bottle had to be wedged at an angle in order to fit on said shelf in said cupboard. One might imagine this took at least 2 attempts, up to a maximum of 4. Said soy sauce bottle does not belong there.
Assessment: I have no idea how it got there. Boyfriend claims innocence in this regard and I am inclined to believe him because a) he does not have red hair, an obvious sign of a liar, and b) well, why would he lie about soy sauce?
Conclusion: The marbles, they are falling fast. As the thin plastic sticks are removed they fall, ever rapidly, into the abyss. Kerplunk...kerplunk...kerplunk...
Additional Facts: My soy sauce bottle is quite large. Specifically, my soy sauce bottle is taller than the height of my cupboard shelf. Said bottle had to be wedged at an angle in order to fit on said shelf in said cupboard. One might imagine this took at least 2 attempts, up to a maximum of 4. Said soy sauce bottle does not belong there.
Assessment: I have no idea how it got there. Boyfriend claims innocence in this regard and I am inclined to believe him because a) he does not have red hair, an obvious sign of a liar, and b) well, why would he lie about soy sauce?
Conclusion: The marbles, they are falling fast. As the thin plastic sticks are removed they fall, ever rapidly, into the abyss. Kerplunk...kerplunk...kerplunk...
Monday, May 10, 2010
Am I a terrible person?
Yes.
Oh shut up, is your name McJudgerson comma Judgey? I'm telling you, everyone eats expried deli meat straight from the package in the flickering blue glow of the television while wearing extra large sweatpants with a hole in the crotch.
I'm a vegan, among other things...
Okay, so stale tofu-eese or you know..rancid veganaise straight from the jar with a dirty spoon!
Ri-ight.
Okay so you're on the couch, scratching a bit of dry, crusty black bean sauce off the couch with your fingernail. The million dollar question: what show is on tv?
I don't watch tv, I read.
Oh for fuck's sake.
Lot's of people read you know, you should really-
Save it, your douch membership isn't valid here. If you were even 17% human you'd know that the only possible thing on your television is a documentary-
-Oh I love documentaries!
-about messed up people. I'm talking fat people, super fat people, super mobidly fat people, dude with fucking tree bark for skin, dude's whose arm's exploded from all the roids, elephantitus anything, and primordial dwarves. Oh I love me some primordial dwarves.
...you're a terrible person.
You're a terrible person! You're terrible at being a person beucase all people love other people who happen to be teeny tiny people. Have you heard them speak? It's like if a chipmunk could talk, but looked like a doll. If 'cute' were an audible sound, that would be it. That or a hampster giggling.
Hampster's don't giggle.
Save it for the fact checkers honey. I love it when they talk about regular shit too, like how they love karate. Karate! They're just like us, only tiny and with more health problems.
I...wha...
I love it when opposites meet too, like the world's tallest man meets the world's smallest man and they shake hands and you totally think the giant is going to crush the midget.
You can't say midget!
Yes you can, it just depends on the context. Like, I wouldn't say 'midget porn', I'd say 'little people erotica', or else the p.c-ers would be all up in my business. You know once I wantched 1000 Pound Man, 600 Pound Mom and 800 Pound Virgin all in one day. It was awesome. They just make me feel better about myself, you know?
Not only are you a terrible person, but you are quite possibly the worst person.
As a wise person on the Maury Povich Show once said, "You don't know me." Now if you'll excuse me, Born Without a Face is on again.
Sigh...
Oh shut up, is your name McJudgerson comma Judgey? I'm telling you, everyone eats expried deli meat straight from the package in the flickering blue glow of the television while wearing extra large sweatpants with a hole in the crotch.
I'm a vegan, among other things...
Okay, so stale tofu-eese or you know..rancid veganaise straight from the jar with a dirty spoon!
Ri-ight.
Okay so you're on the couch, scratching a bit of dry, crusty black bean sauce off the couch with your fingernail. The million dollar question: what show is on tv?
I don't watch tv, I read.
Oh for fuck's sake.
Lot's of people read you know, you should really-
Save it, your douch membership isn't valid here. If you were even 17% human you'd know that the only possible thing on your television is a documentary-
-Oh I love documentaries!
-about messed up people. I'm talking fat people, super fat people, super mobidly fat people, dude with fucking tree bark for skin, dude's whose arm's exploded from all the roids, elephantitus anything, and primordial dwarves. Oh I love me some primordial dwarves.
...you're a terrible person.
You're a terrible person! You're terrible at being a person beucase all people love other people who happen to be teeny tiny people. Have you heard them speak? It's like if a chipmunk could talk, but looked like a doll. If 'cute' were an audible sound, that would be it. That or a hampster giggling.
Hampster's don't giggle.
Save it for the fact checkers honey. I love it when they talk about regular shit too, like how they love karate. Karate! They're just like us, only tiny and with more health problems.
I...wha...
I love it when opposites meet too, like the world's tallest man meets the world's smallest man and they shake hands and you totally think the giant is going to crush the midget.
You can't say midget!
Yes you can, it just depends on the context. Like, I wouldn't say 'midget porn', I'd say 'little people erotica', or else the p.c-ers would be all up in my business. You know once I wantched 1000 Pound Man, 600 Pound Mom and 800 Pound Virgin all in one day. It was awesome. They just make me feel better about myself, you know?
Not only are you a terrible person, but you are quite possibly the worst person.
As a wise person on the Maury Povich Show once said, "You don't know me." Now if you'll excuse me, Born Without a Face is on again.
Sigh...
Sunday, May 9, 2010
It's Too Early for This Shit
Monday morning 9:30am conversation with co-teacher:
Co-Teacher: We will have teaching teachers class this afternoon.
Me: Oh, but that's not what the schedule says.
C-T: Yes, but we missed last week so now we'll have it this week. You must have a worksheet ready for this afternoon.
Me: Okay, sure, no problem.
C-T: Also, you need to have your previous worksheets signed by principal, vice-principal and head teacher.
Me: I don't have previous worksheets. You told me not to make a worksheet for the first class and the rest were canceled.
C-T: Yes, but the worksheet is the proof that we've done the previous classes.
Me: But we haven't done the previous classes, they were all canceled.
C-T: Yes, so you must make the worksheets now.
Me: IT'S TOO EARLY FOR THIS SHIT.
So now I'll spend my day making worksheets to "prove" that the classes did happen, even though they did not. They will be shown to the principal, vice-principal and head teacher, none of whom speak English, to be stamped and signed by each and never seen again. I had thought that cancelling classes meant they would just be bumped down, so we'd still get a chance to do the basic, intro classes. No, no, logic must not prevail when there is jumping through hoops to be done. Since those classes have already been done* (*wink, wink) I should just move straight on. Meaning we'll never get to do the lesson on shopping, which would have been a good and useful lesson but no, satiating the demand for unnecessary paperwork must prevail. Long live red tape!
Update: Half hour before teacher class is scheduled to start.....cancelled! Yet another lesson plan that will be stamped and signed and flushed down the drain!
Co-Teacher: We will have teaching teachers class this afternoon.
Me: Oh, but that's not what the schedule says.
C-T: Yes, but we missed last week so now we'll have it this week. You must have a worksheet ready for this afternoon.
Me: Okay, sure, no problem.
C-T: Also, you need to have your previous worksheets signed by principal, vice-principal and head teacher.
Me: I don't have previous worksheets. You told me not to make a worksheet for the first class and the rest were canceled.
C-T: Yes, but the worksheet is the proof that we've done the previous classes.
Me: But we haven't done the previous classes, they were all canceled.
C-T: Yes, so you must make the worksheets now.
Me: IT'S TOO EARLY FOR THIS SHIT.
So now I'll spend my day making worksheets to "prove" that the classes did happen, even though they did not. They will be shown to the principal, vice-principal and head teacher, none of whom speak English, to be stamped and signed by each and never seen again. I had thought that cancelling classes meant they would just be bumped down, so we'd still get a chance to do the basic, intro classes. No, no, logic must not prevail when there is jumping through hoops to be done. Since those classes have already been done* (*wink, wink) I should just move straight on. Meaning we'll never get to do the lesson on shopping, which would have been a good and useful lesson but no, satiating the demand for unnecessary paperwork must prevail. Long live red tape!
Update: Half hour before teacher class is scheduled to start.....cancelled! Yet another lesson plan that will be stamped and signed and flushed down the drain!
Friday, May 7, 2010
I had another meat accident recently. It started innocently enough, it always does. I pointed to some pieces of pork in the grocery store and gestured the number two to the butcher. Simple enough, right? Of course not. He assumed I meant two stacks of pork, for a total of about 15 slices, otherwise known as 13 too many. Stellar. So now my freezer is full of pork slices that are unfortunately not quite pork chops or sam gyup sal or anything I recognize other than fatty. Fatty they are indeed.
I tried to mask this small fact with an apple, onion and thyme topping, but it was only a marginal success. I'd suggest trying this with a proper piece of pork, like a chop or even as a side with a roast.
Unfortunate Pieces of Pork with Apple, Onion and Thyme
- proper pieces of pork
- half an onion, roughly chopped
- about the same amount of apple
- few sprigs of thyme
- splash or two of chicken stock
- salt and pepper
Fry the pork in a pan with a little bit of oil. The length of time necessary will depend on the thickness of your meat (ooh, isn't that the truth?) Mine took about 15 seconds on each side.
Remove from the pan and drain the excess fat if necessary. Throw in the onion and cook until translucent. Add the apple and thyme and cook until they soften a bit. Add the chicken stock and scrape the bottom of the pan to get all those favour bits from the bottom. Add the meat back to the pan and when the stock reduces a bit you're done and done.
I ate this with some coleslaw as part of my 12 step plan to become better friends with cabbage. We're currently at'tolerate' and working towards 'frenemies.'
Monday, May 3, 2010
Vietnamese Two Ways
Before I got here I assumed that there would be more crossover foods in Korean. There's so many countries nearby I figured there would naturally be give and take between them. Kimchi pad thai, why not? Sadly no, Korean food is pretty steadfastly Korean and I've yet to even see a Thai restaurant. That doesn't mean it's impossible though, it just requires a bit of looking.
In the import aisle of Dong-A department store I found all of the fixings for Vietnamese rice bowls. I think they're actually imported from North America becuase there's English writing on them which kind of blows my mind and makes them a little more expensive but nevertheless, they're there.
I marinated a couple of chicken breasts in soy sauce, ginger and garlic and then grilled them while I chopped up the cucumber, carrots and lettuce and softned the noodles. Vermicelli is great food for small kitchens because it doesn't need a burner. Just pour boiling water in a bowl and let them soak. Then strain, throw everything in a bowl and douse with fish sauce. The bottle I found had chilies and onions in it already so it had a nice kick.
The next night I took the leftovers, added some grilled shrimp and made spring rolls. Just dip the rice paper in hot water until it's softened and then fill, roll and dunk in peanut sauce. I'm pretty bad at rolling them so they looked ugly but tasted good, which is really all that matters.
In the import aisle of Dong-A department store I found all of the fixings for Vietnamese rice bowls. I think they're actually imported from North America becuase there's English writing on them which kind of blows my mind and makes them a little more expensive but nevertheless, they're there.
I marinated a couple of chicken breasts in soy sauce, ginger and garlic and then grilled them while I chopped up the cucumber, carrots and lettuce and softned the noodles. Vermicelli is great food for small kitchens because it doesn't need a burner. Just pour boiling water in a bowl and let them soak. Then strain, throw everything in a bowl and douse with fish sauce. The bottle I found had chilies and onions in it already so it had a nice kick.
The next night I took the leftovers, added some grilled shrimp and made spring rolls. Just dip the rice paper in hot water until it's softened and then fill, roll and dunk in peanut sauce. I'm pretty bad at rolling them so they looked ugly but tasted good, which is really all that matters.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Krazy Korea and Dental Hygiene
Yesterday I was doing some investigation into a rumour that Korean toothpaste has sugar in it. I couldn't find conclusive evidence either way but I did come across some interesting information about 2080, the most common brand of toothpaste on the peninsula. I hadn't noticed it before, but sure enough the slogan for 2080 is "Keep the 20 healthy teeth till 80 years old."
I sure do hope it's the front 20 teeth we're keeping healthy, I don't care as much about the back 12. What happens if I live past 80 though? I guess nothing really matters once you're that old.
Next up:
Grade Five, Lesson 4: What a Nice Day!
In this unit students will learn how to use exclamatory sentences to describe events in their daily lives. This lesson will be taught by emphasizing cultural differences and will use value judgements to subtly promote superiority. Vocabulary words for this lesson include: city, elephant, elevator, bird, rock and tall.
The following is an exact transcription of a section of the teacher guide.
The culture of exclamation
Western people show exclamation even over trifles. This phenomenon isn't found an oriental culture that appreciates people who control their feeling and taciturn. We can usually see Americans who are moved so easily by things that Koreans aren't effected by. This means they are accustomed to expressing feeling freely and frankly.
In western culture, they start a conversation about the weather when they meet someone for the first time: 'It's a lovely day, isn't it?'. This is referenced to the inclement weather in England.
The people who live in an area with nice weather like Korea aren't touched by this kind of thing but Englishmen can be impressed.
Suck on that England. Maybe if your weather wasn't so shitty you wouldn't be moved so easily by trifles and you could taciturn a little more. In Korea 'taciturn' is a verb, but 'offend' is not.
I sure do hope it's the front 20 teeth we're keeping healthy, I don't care as much about the back 12. What happens if I live past 80 though? I guess nothing really matters once you're that old.
Next up:
Grade Five, Lesson 4: What a Nice Day!
In this unit students will learn how to use exclamatory sentences to describe events in their daily lives. This lesson will be taught by emphasizing cultural differences and will use value judgements to subtly promote superiority. Vocabulary words for this lesson include: city, elephant, elevator, bird, rock and tall.
The following is an exact transcription of a section of the teacher guide.
The culture of exclamation
Western people show exclamation even over trifles. This phenomenon isn't found an oriental culture that appreciates people who control their feeling and taciturn. We can usually see Americans who are moved so easily by things that Koreans aren't effected by. This means they are accustomed to expressing feeling freely and frankly.
In western culture, they start a conversation about the weather when they meet someone for the first time: 'It's a lovely day, isn't it?'. This is referenced to the inclement weather in England.
The people who live in an area with nice weather like Korea aren't touched by this kind of thing but Englishmen can be impressed.
Suck on that England. Maybe if your weather wasn't so shitty you wouldn't be moved so easily by trifles and you could taciturn a little more. In Korea 'taciturn' is a verb, but 'offend' is not.
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