This week: Shwayze. Hey, who you calling shwayze? No, I'm just joshing with you, I mean Aaron 'Shwayze' Smith, the 22 year old hip-pop sensation who's been rockin your pods and movin your bods with partner in fashion crime Cisco Adler. Now call me old fashioned, call me racist (just don't call me late for dinner), but what kind of inside out oreo show are these guys running?
So white he worked at Starbucks.
Black name, big balls. Coincidence?
This reduced calorie hip hop/indie fag combo's latest track to tear up the airwaves is called Get U Home. Who me? Yes u. These boys are combining geek chic and hipster doofus in a way no one, and I mean no one, thought possible. Shwayze drops the beats, spits the rhymes and then Cisco sweeps in with a chorus that'll melt the edible panties off of a skanky skank. That's skank squared to you bro, but there's nothing square about it: take me to the bathroom/take me clothes off/make love to me up against a dirty wall. Shit son, my old lady won't even pee in a public toilet. She says, if it's not disinfected it's not making love. I still say purel is not a lubricant!
But more importantly, why are you air guitaring Cisco? You're wearing a fedora and a deep-v, we weren't expecting much from you to begin with. But it doesn't matter! It just doesn't matter! The important thing is that the honey's with the money are on the dancefloor shaking, rattling and rolling. We're talking bouncing the bongos, tappping the tatas, grinding up on the fellas with whatever God or a doctor playing the part gave em.
Make sure your minds are in the full and upright positions kids, because this song is going to take off.