Get Lost.

Has anyone else noticed how obsessive Lost fans are? I realize that if you're reading this you're also a breathing life form on earth so, yeah, you probably watch Lost, but damnit I don't so stop pushing me. Whenever Lost fans hear that I don't partake in the Lost par-tay the automated response is "Really? You should." Oh really? Should I? Did you ever think there's probably a reason I don't? Well there's not, but you'd probably think so and still you're trying to shove it down my throat. How rude. And I know I do the same, but really if you haven't worked 30 Rock catchphrases into your daily vernacular to the point that you truly believe you made them up yourselves, then you're not worth my time. Aw blerg, I don't mean to judge.

But Lost fans are pretentious in a way that, say, fans of The Office aren't (save for the British Office which, by nature of being British and the original requires at least an upturned nosefull of pretension). Take, for example, this actual facebook status that appeared on my home page one day: "Those who gave up on LOST after the 2nd or 3rd season made a big mistake I tell ya." Actually, the first big mistake was unnecessarily capitalizing the name of a television show, followed closely by advertising it on the fb, you drama queen.

Other than just not being into dramas though I never really had a problem with Lost until the introduction of the ridiculous smoke monster. You can't just decide to become science fiction halfway down the road, just like you can't decide that Dumbledore was gay after the fact. There is an order that should be followed: decide first, before you write, don't go back and change things after they're done just because you thought of a great metaphor while you were getting high in the bathtub with your Emmy JJ.

Have I alienated enough people yet? I'm going to go enjoy my meatball sandwich with extra bread. Regrets are for horseshoes and handbags!