Monday, April 26, 2010

Krazy Korea Komes Early

Yes I know that 'komes' looks like it should be pronounced 'combs' even though it's supposed to sound like 'comes' but I'm on this whole crazy with a k shtick and really you should just be happy for me that Korea hasn't sucked that last bit of creativity out of me, however terrible it is.

And yes, once upon a time I said I'd keep the Krazy Korean things down to a once a week well guess what I lied. Korea is too Krazy to be restrained like that. Plus, I need to vent, a lot, because my shitometer is off the charts and I simply don't have the prescription meds to bring it back down.


My co-teacher announced yesterday that she's getting June. Koreans don't get 'engaged' I'm told, they just decide to get married, which is what she did this past weekend. My other co-teacher told me that she has been dating this lucky fellow for one whole month. Holdthephone, I haven't even finished a menstrual cycle and she's engaged??? Let me squeeze out an egg out first whydontcha. Well actually she met him in December, decided she didn't like him, but he kept hounding her until she gave in and started dating him a month ago. For those keeping track, that's dating one month, 'engaged' the next month and married the month after that - three months, start to finish, bing-o bang-o bong-o (you can't stop Luongo - cbc3anyone?). I've said it before and I'll say it again - if I've had food in my fridge for longer than your relationship you should not get married. I'm not talking the jar of pickles at the back either, if milk hasn't passed it's expiration date you shouldn't set a wedding date. As co-teacher #2 said though, she is 32...


Every English teacher in Korea has an 'open class' coming up where representatives from the school board (DMOE) and some of our peers will come and watch us teach to make sure we're not incompetent buffoons. Fair enough, how hard can it be? Well actually, the question should be how hard can we make it? Answer: ve-herry. First *we* sat down to make up the lesson plan which consisted of my co-teacher asking for my ideas and then talking over me when I responded, which is actually far more input than I've previously had. I was a little concerned though, because not only was she completely overhauling our regular routine (push play on government appointed cd-rom), but her ideas sounded highly elaborate for kids who've just mastered Don't Pee in Your Pants, so I ask her how *we're* going to manage this. "Oh, don't worry, we'll tell them the instructions before." Of course we will. What I thought would be a fringe festival indie concert has just been upgraded to LIVE AT THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL!!!

Then today came the rehearsal with the poor class that's being subjected to this torture and we spent the entire period devising a new seating arrangement that might please DMOE. *We* tried out two desk patterns(while students sat quietly with their eyes closed and their hands on their head) before deciding that yes, 5 groups of 6 students was better than 7 groups of 4 students. Next we have to determine student seat assignments because DMOE prefers the stupid kids to be closer to the front, because everyone knows proximity is half the education battle. First there was talk of a placement test to determine the order but in the end we settled on self evaluation. ATTENTION TEN YEAR OLDS: please take a good hard look at yourselves, accurately gauge your self worth and group yourselves accordingly. Be honest: did you struggle with 'wah do warry warry' last week? Now watch as we single out the dummies and shove them to the front. Don't be embarrassed, it's what DMOE wants. At the end of the ordeal one boy (at the front) said to me, "Teacha, teacha, no study today?" No dear, that's not what DMOE wants. Naturally after creating this desk arrangement we can't use the classroom so I have to go around to homerooms for the other class isn't until next Friday.

This is already too long but allow me to just describe my shitacular upcoming schedule: off Saturday and Sunday, work Monday except they've cancelled all my classes for no reason so I'll sit around all day with my finger up my butt and then off Tuesday and Wednesday. Congratulations administration, just a stellar job all around.

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