Step 1: Enter bathroom, take toilet paper. Do not forget toilet paper. If you forget toilet paper, go back, take toilet paper.
Step 2: Enter stall, tuck toilet paper in scarf to free up your hands. Roll up your pants to the knees to prevent dragging cuffs on the piss soaked floor / pissing on yourself when you soak the floor with your piss.
Step 3: Take the safety pin out of your ghetto casual pants. Stab the pin into your coat for safekeeping. Do not lose the pin. Do not lose the pin.
Step 4: Freeze your ass off for 30 seconds.
Step 5: Accidentally throw the toilet paper down the hole. Don't even feel bad about it.
Step 6: Pants up, pin in, cuffs down, flush with your foot. Everyone flushes with their foot, right?
Step 7: Icewater, cuss, soap, icewater, cuss, dry hands on the pants you were painstakingly keeping dry. Sit on your numb hands for 10-15 minutes until the feeling resumes.
Repeat 3-7 times daily as per your hydration needs.