Happy New Year!

When it came down to it, organizing my desk was just not as interesting as making a juice-box friend.



I was left alone in my office with 7 boxes of milk. I'm working my way through the chocolate so there'll be more juice box friends coming and if I'm desperate I might even drink the nasty strawberry milk.

Happy New Year everyone!

My Glue Gun is my BFF

Glue guns are so much fun. For 5,000 won you can adhere anything to anything via molten stickiness. What's not to love? Not my sparkly pincone wreath, that's for darn sure.


Start by taking your least favourite coat hanger and bending it into a circle. Leave the hook bit, as it will continue to serve as a hook. Then glue bits of nature all over it; I started with some green pine needle-y branches, then added aumtumnal leaves and glittered pinecones, which appear frosted in this photo but I assure you that is all glitter, all the time. Once you're finished you're going to want to take a picture of it because you're definitely going to knock it over upwards of two times and destroy it immediately.

Wreath no.2:


Wire hanger circle again, then glue pinecones on top and green needle clusters underneath. It looks a little sparse, I'M AWARE, so I think I'm going to add another ring of pincones to bolster it up a bit. Holiday bonus: this wreath doubles as an Elizabethan dog collar thing.

Snowfrakes: just cut away everything that doesn't look like a snowflake, but for the love of god don't cut the seam. I suggest using old speech contest papers for this craft so you can chop away at children's dreams.



And finally, le piece de resistence; Christmas tree, my christmas tree, how lovely are your makeshift branches. I'm not even going to explain how I did this because I have eyes, I know how it looks, and I know you dont want to recreate this fragile, crooked excuse for a tree. I wanted to add more decorations and lights, but the branches dried out and now I can't even touch it or the whole thing will blow into the wind. Merry Fucking Christmas Charlie Brown.

Not to worry though, it'll look great with all the presents stacked up underneath. The presents my mom forgot to send in time for christmas. Merry Sometime-in-January everybody! I hope Santa brings wine this year...

New and Improved

Instead of fixing up the previous jewlery stand I made, I got a new one instead! Here's how you can too can have this great piece of art.

Step one: pay close attention to garabge on the street for upwards of four months until you find something useful, for example, a picture frame filled with floral print cordaroy.

Step two: inspect for bugs.

Step three: take it home.

Step four: shove your earrings it.

Ta da!

Crafturbate

I'm not a particularly crafty person but I've been in need of a jewelry storage system for about the last three years. A ziplock freezer baggie does not a jewelry box make. I couldn't find anything I liked so I decided to make the damn thing myself. I only managed to take two pretty terrible photos before my camera battery died, but trust me it looks better in person.

First, find a stick. It should be a good stick, with many small branches to serve as hangers for your jewels. Personally I spent upwards of one minute rummaging through the brush pile outside my house. Side note: pruning the trees makes them look nice, but leaving it all in a slowly decaying pile underneath said tree does not.

Next, locate empty water bottle. Check the recycling bag you forgot to take out. Now cut off the bottom to form the base and poke a small hole in the lid. Insert branch into lid. Pat self on back.

Finally, spray paint. I recommend a well ventilated area, such as a closet with the doors shut. If you find your self getting woozy and giggle, just open that window you've been staring at.



I think after another coat of paint it'll look less like a stick in a bottle and more like..whatever it's supposed to be. Maybe not, but it's still better than a ziplock.