On feminists and other angry bitches.

Women's lib is all well and good, and much thanks to the Famous Four, but in my opinion the real test of women's equality has nothing to do with the gender income gap, whereby here in the land of plenty for every dollar a man makes a woman will only make 70 cents and is even less for university grads and young people (check it yo) or even our recent plunge of 13 spots on the gender gap index, which now places Canada below the US of A-holes, and ranks our political participation 60th of the 130 countries surveyed.

No, the real test of women's equality is whether or not the vaginas are barbecuing.


The time honoured tradition of the suburban male as king of the bbq must be put to rest. We must dismiss the belief that menstruation makes women more suceptable to spontaneous combustion and dispel the urban legend of the woman whose labia caught on fire while trying to flip the burgers. I am woman, hear me bbq!


First step: buy a recently deceased animal.

Here we have Babe. Isn't he cute?

Trim off any big chunks of fat, season with salt and pecker, and then chop it up into good sized riblets. They go down into a hot pot for just one hot minute to brown them up, then douse the whole thing in beer and let is set a while (at least a couple hours).

Meanwhile, make your own bbq sauce:

1 cup ketchup
1/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup vinegar
juice of a lemon
some oil or butter
a squeeze of mustard
as much as you like of:
salt
pepper
worcestershire sauce
celery salt
hot sauce

Make it how you like it, add honey of maple syrup if you like a sweet sauce, add chili powder or cayanne to up the hot factor. Go nuts. Just go balls to the wall apeshit with this stuff.

Next up, fire up the grill, get the coals nice and hot, pay attention to where the hot spots are and then slap your meat down accordingly with a good slather of sauce.

Then just grill it to perfection, or somewhere in that ballpark.

The meat will have cooked pretty well in the beer bath, so we're just looking to grill up the outside and caramelize the sauce up real nice.


And there you have it. No penis required.


ps: really? really really?

Also, I image searched 'women barbecuing' and I got this, which was labeled as 'hipster barbecue' and appears to be the beginnings of a rape scene. Awesome. The only photo I found of a woman actually tending to a grill was a middle aged lady in pigtails who was obviously not wearing a bra. We've got a long way to go folks.