Wednesday, June 16, 2010


Today the teacher's lunchroom was filled with middle aged women in high heels and beauty pageant sashes. No one thought to explain anything to me so I casually inquired about the hubub. "Oh," my co-teacher said, "They are petitioning to remove bad food from school lunches."

I automatically thought of the wonderful mini hotdogs and fried chicken and corn covered in cheese (btw, wtf?) and panicked at the thought that they might be gone. These are the things that get me through the day when the rest of the lunch is dried fish scales or boiled chicken skin or whatever other thing I used to think was inedible. Naturally, as a individualistic Westerner, I expressed my opinion about this; "Bad food? What bad food? Most things are so healthy."

"Ahh," she said, "How can I explain? For example, chicken that is...past the date."

Oh for serious Korea? You're serving rancid poultry in your children's elementary schools? Shiiit son. Jamie Oliver better shut his pie hole because at least those porky British kids aren't at risk of food poisoning.

The best part of the whole thing? The Korean barbie women ate lunch with us, then resumed their post. Protest about the food, eat said food, go back to protesting about the food. I love your logic ladies.

Personally I'm cool with eating rotten food, but that's becuase I ate my mother's cooking for 17 years so my stomach is basically invincible. However, out of curiosity I checked 'yahoo answers' to see what the dangers of eating expired food were and at the bottom of the page there's a section of 'related questions.' Check out these gems:

Q. When i fart poop comes out is this normal?
(My answer: Totally. Everyone poops their pants! If pooping your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.)

Q. I'm using my brothers urine to pass a drug test, what is the most effective way to transport and maintain temp?
(My answer: I suggest keeping a camp stove or kerosene burner in your car. Keep the windows rolled up and be sure to let the gas run for a minute before you try and light it.)

No comments: