Saturday, June 20, 2009

Blogging About Cats isn't Sad

I will grant that some cat blogs are sad. Some are sad, pathetic. Others are sad, awful. If I may comment on the latter, here are the top 9 best things about

1) free range kitties only
2)may contain dog meat (not specified free range),
2) may be illegal in your area
3) unable to sell to individuals with criminal records
4) low fat yet tender
5) medicinal qualities (cures Korean headaches)
6) affiliate company
7) considered a good 'warming food' in Vietnam
8) kitty kebabs, kitty steak, kitty jerky, and kitty stock for all your kitty soups
9) this photo.

I'll be honest, that was all funny until I saw a cooked puppy head. UNCOOL MOST OF ASIA, SWITZERLAND AND 3 LOCATIONS IN THE U.S.!

Also, for Carmen, Hello Kitty is cute in waffle form but less so when it's dried beef:

On to sad, pathetic which are generally defined by the following:

-written in the first person, from the cat's point of view. FACT: cats are bad writers, likely do to lack of opposable thumbs and little to no kitty creative writing classes.

He's watching 2 Kitties 1 Cup.

- On that note, don't describe your cat blog as 'newsy.' There is nothing 'newsy' about you, your cat, your blog, or your pathetic life. A day that is mainly composed of napping, licking, and purring is not newsy and as a recently unemployed person I should know.

-the 'author' often refers to their owners as 'the humans' or 'mum and dad', and often comments on how much they miss him or her. For example "Princess Whiskerbutt sure missed her mum today while she was out getting her third round of fertility treatments."

- Changing words so they sound catlike, as in purrson, purrfect, mewsings or furriend. Also, 'making biscuits' is not a cute way to say cat poo. It's poo.

- International Box Day. Let me explain, apparently June 19th is some sort of kitty holiday (isn't every day, i mean really) where kitties of all shapes and sizes, breeds and creeds are placed by their owners into empty cardboard boxes where they are photographed, and put on the internet. This is so collosally fucked up that when I starting digging through interwebs to find an actual goddamn reason for this shitfest it ended with me drinking a glass of rum. The best I can gather is that cats like cardboard? I don't really understand this becuase all my cat likes to do is fuck and fight, but to each their weird, weird own.

I will grant that this is cute, but perhaps we can all agree not worthy of a holiday.

All of that being said THIS blog is neither type of sad because MY cat is AWESOME.

The proof is in the feline pudding, which I will dish out at a later date because Pedro is currently whining and bleeding from the head while licking his gigantic, magnificent, furry balls.

1 comment:

lowercasecarmen said...

Warmed heart, warmed heart.

word verification: towerpr (were they trying for "towerpower"? I think so.)