Today, while calling to inform me of the lastest car collision in my town, my mom suggested that I audition to be on Dancing with the Stars. When I explained to her that I'm not qualified for such a show, being as I'm not a professional dancer and have never done ballroom dance, she suggested that I could audition to be the other person instead.
"...you mean the celebrity?"
"Oh," she said, "I didn't realize that's how it worked."
"You didn't realize that Dancing With the Stars had famous people on it?"
"No, but I did wonder why that country singer was on though. I just thought some people were singers and some were joe blows."
ABC, you have wasted far too much money paying celebrities to be on your show. Your title is not clear enough. Your concept has been completely lost on my mother. Please consider your show a failure and start filming Dancing With Some Country Singers and Some Regular People. I will be first in line to audition.