Corny Chowder

Although Daegu is the warmest city in the country we recently had some snow in our fair area so I got it in my head that the perfect solution would be a nice warm bowl of corn chowder. I decided this before I got to the grocery store and realized they didn't have:

- chicken or vegetable stock
- celery
- cream
- bacon
- thyme or sage or cumin or paprika or bay leaves

I also couldn't identify which bag of white powder was flour or cornstarch but damned if that was going to stop me. This is what I can up with:

Makeshift Corny Chowder

- onion and leek, chopped
- carrots, chopped
- garlic, crushed
- potatoes, peeled and cubed
- beef bone stock (it was that or fish)
- milk
- 1 can of corn
- salt and pepper to taste

Saute the onions, leeks, garlic and carrots in butter or Korean 'buttery' spread until translucent. Add stock and potatoes, bring to a boil. Add corn and milk,salt and pepper, bring back to a simmer and serve with the green leek parts as garnish. Ha-za!

Spagetti Western

Grocery shopping in Korea is a strange and terrifying thing. Attendants peddling their wares throughout the store shout for your attention like Costco sample ladies on crack. They know I can't understand them but still earnestly encourage me to purchase their sea slugs or frozen cow tail's. However willing I might be to try these 'delicacies' I simply have no idea how to prepare many/most/nearly all of these things; bean paste on toast? Boiled, fried, or raw seaweed? (Answer: all of the above.) The added bonus of being functionally illiterate turns the simple act of buying salt into a 15 minute staring contest with multiple bags of white powder (which is also how I got hooked on coke). So for now I'm going to ease my way into the boiled baby octopods and try to make some familiar things in the meantime. Enter: spaghetti.

My kitchen was lacking a cutting board but that's nothing an old pizza box and a good attitude can't fix.



All garlic comes pre-peeled which is basically the greatest thing on earth.

The other important thing to know about my cooking efforts is that I have only two burners, one frying pan and no oven. However, where there's a will there's a way to make pan fried garlic bread. Not too shabby ifidosaysomyself.



The sauce came from a jar because the spices I once thought were universal are not. Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme are the inventions of western pop duo Simon and Garfunkel, who have not yet gained popularity here. I added zucchini so it wouldn't be completely nutritionally vapid and some milk because the marinara sauce was surprisingly spicy.





Pan Fried Garlic Toast

1. Dice or crush several cloves of garlic, depending on how much you like your breath to smell.
2. Mix into softened butter or, in my case, whatever non-dairy 'buttery' spread you can find.
3. Spread onto bread and fry both sides on low heat until garlic is browned and bread is crunchy.
4. Locate chopsticks, enjoy!

My Big Break

I've finally made it! I am so excited to announce that after years of hard work I'm finally, finally going to be on tv! I've been given my very own talk show and it's going to be live every Friday morning! I don't want to brag or anything, but it is the only show of it's kind on the network soooooo it's kind of a big deal. I mean not just anyone gets to be the host of Teacher Time on Bomeel Elementary School's cctv programming.

On Teacher Time I intend to tackle the hot topics facing kids today. This week's jam sesh: introductions. I'm going to get really real with the kids:

"My name is Brittney and I hope you'll enjoy fun fun English and my classroom teaching. Let's make a great time this year."

Seriously. I don't write my own scripts. But the stars never do, right???

I'm going to try super hard to get a copy of the footage because this is going to be awesome in the way that only me, children and a video camera can be. Wait, rewind that, it's going to be hilarious and I want you to laugh at me.

In other news, B is for Cookie is expanding. For everything food related (except of course for wiener jokes) please go to B is for Cookie 2.0 and someone there would be happy to help you.

Welcome!

Hello and welcome to my new home, B is for Cookie 2.0! I'm so glad you could make it. Mi casa es...actually it's pretty much just mi casa, but you're welcome to come over for dinner anytime. Help yourself to some scotch mints on the table in the den while you're waiting and try not to knock the decorative spoons off the wall, okay?

B is for Cookie 2.0 is my way of keeping the fart jokes out of the food related portions of my day. Think of it as a choose your own adventure blog:

- Are you easily offended? Please keep to version 2.0 and I'll try my best not to horrify you.

- Do you laugh at the word penis, penis shaped objects or actual penises? Please keep visiting the original site and I hope you have a great 11th birthday.

- Do you enjoy corndogs even though/because they are penis shaped? Great news, you'll probably like both blogs and thus double your fun, like slutty twins or eating last night's soggy meatloaf again for breakfast! Except better than that.

Alright, well, I smell something burning so just make yourself at home, unless of course you think home is some kind of naked hippie colony in which case please wipe off that chair and exit through the back door.

All in a Day's 'Work'

So you want to be a rock star? Come to Korea. Today after class students lined up to get my autograph. One special boy asked me to write 'terrorist' on his pencil case. When I say special I don't mean that he was a unique individual. In Korean special means mentally challenged and teachers say it in a half whisper with their face slightly squinched. "Oh him? He's special." Oh and ADD is considered mentally challenged. They must think North American children are so, so very special.

Yesterday two seperate parents asked me to name their children. I haven't met either of these children and only one of the parents but they heard I speak English and thus I should be the one to give them English names. Never mind that I can't begin to imagine what kind of names they might like or that my western political correctness makes me pretty uncomfortable with a white person coming into another culture and assigning new names to the children. Nevertheless, they insisted so we decided on Jaiden for the first kid because his mother wanted something that started with j. The other mother asked only for a 'beautiful' name, so that rules out Bertha but leaves basically everything else. I think I'll call her Pocahontas.

One of my co-teachers sent me the powerpoint slides for the next lesson on the weather and this was the photo she chose for raining:



I can probably garantee that none of these kids have seen a woman in a hijab, so I'm really not sure what she's going for. Maybe it's some hilarious cultural joke I don't get, which might also be the case for the slide she chose for thunder and lightning:



Did he get hit by lightning?? Wouldn't an actual picture of lightning be more educational? In a twisted way I kind of hope some kid thinks that 'thunder and lightning' means 'got the crap kicked out of him.' Back off dude or I'll thunder and lightning all over your face. Hey, aren't Chuck Norris' fists named Thunder and Lightning?

Krazy Korea

Korea has so many crazy things. So many in fact, that they can only be described as krazy and while I could easily do a 13 part series on the nuances of bowing I will limit myself to one post a week, filtering out the kinda weird, pretty odd and slightly strange to bring you only the kraziest that Korea has to offer.

This week: Virgin Cat.

I first saw the vocal stylings of Miss. Anna Tsuchiya on tv in between bouts of frantic, confusing game shows. You can watch it, but it's terrible so don't say I didn't warn you.



What an unusual and uncharacteristic position for you to be in Virgin Cat. So does Virgin Cat mean that you are a cat who is a virgin? Or are just a virgin when it comes to cats in particular. Like, say you fucked the nuts off several dogs and a squirrel but you never touch pussy, you're still a virgin? I'm going to make a song called Poop Hole Virgin.

Sexy fact: cat food is an aphrodisiac, but not for Virgin Cat!



If you're a virgin cat do you wear a cat promise ring? Do you have to wait until after your cat nuptuals? Can you be a kitty whore but then be a born again cat virgin? Are there tiny feline hymenectomies in your messed up world? What about heavy petting, I mean that seems like a pretty obvious way to go. And if you've been spayed or neutered does it all even matter?????



Only you can say for sure, Virgin Cat.



Editors note: turns out this is actually a Japanese song, which is maybe the kraziest part of all. Wikipedia first, then write...

Get Lost.

Has anyone else noticed how obsessive Lost fans are? I realize that if you're reading this you're also a breathing life form on earth so, yeah, you probably watch Lost, but damnit I don't so stop pushing me. Whenever Lost fans hear that I don't partake in the Lost par-tay the automated response is "Really? You should." Oh really? Should I? Did you ever think there's probably a reason I don't? Well there's not, but you'd probably think so and still you're trying to shove it down my throat. How rude. And I know I do the same, but really if you haven't worked 30 Rock catchphrases into your daily vernacular to the point that you truly believe you made them up yourselves, then you're not worth my time. Aw blerg, I don't mean to judge.

But Lost fans are pretentious in a way that, say, fans of The Office aren't (save for the British Office which, by nature of being British and the original requires at least an upturned nosefull of pretension). Take, for example, this actual facebook status that appeared on my home page one day: "Those who gave up on LOST after the 2nd or 3rd season made a big mistake I tell ya." Actually, the first big mistake was unnecessarily capitalizing the name of a television show, followed closely by advertising it on the fb, you drama queen.

Other than just not being into dramas though I never really had a problem with Lost until the introduction of the ridiculous smoke monster. You can't just decide to become science fiction halfway down the road, just like you can't decide that Dumbledore was gay after the fact. There is an order that should be followed: decide first, before you write, don't go back and change things after they're done just because you thought of a great metaphor while you were getting high in the bathtub with your Emmy JJ.

Have I alienated enough people yet? I'm going to go enjoy my meatball sandwich with extra bread. Regrets are for horseshoes and handbags!