Gnocchi? Yescchi Pleasecchi!

I fear my groanworthy titles may condem me to the Dad Joke's Club.

I recently figured out which bag of white powder was flour so I decided to try my hand at gnocchi. I've never made gnocchi before, and while it wasn't perfect I think I know where I went wrong for next time.



You need:
- 3 medium sized cooked potatoes(or 2 large or 4 small or 1 big and 3 small...)
- 1 egg
- 1 - 1/2 cups flour
- salt and pecker

When the potatoes have cooled down enough to work with, run them through a fine cheese grater. Throw the flour down on your work surface, with a well in the middle for the flour and egg.


My well floweth over.

Mix the egg and potatoe together, gradually incorporating the flour. Don't try to get too much flour in and don't overwork the dough, I think this is where I went wrong and my gnocchi was a little tough instead of pillowy balls of heaven. The dough shouldn't be too dry, I think...

Roll the dough out into long strands and cut into about 1" dumplings. Roll each little guy along the edge of a fork to get the ridged sides. Boil in salted water until they float and then a few more seconds.


Put it in your mouth. Chew. Swallow. Repeat.

Spatch-what?!?

Spatchcock. Spatchcoooooock. Spatchcock, spatchcock, spatchcock. Okay, got that out of my system. It's such a funny word.

A spatchcock is a chicken with the backbone removed so it can't stand up to you in a fight. Plus it lies flat in a pan so it cooks quicker and you can have 'roast' chicken without an oven!

My 'butcher' (old Korean lady) cut out the backbone herself on the tree stump/cutting board in the market but you can easily do it yourself with a pair of sturdy scissors and some gumption. Just cut along either side of the backbone and then squish clucky out flat. Spatchcocked!


Not much about meat grosses me out, but leaving the neck gives me the heebily jeebilys. I hacked it off right away.

I marinated my birdie in some lemon juice and garlic. To really get the flavour packed in I like to slide some butter and crushed garlic under the skin of the chicken. Just peel it up away from the meat to make a pocket of sorts and shove in some pads of butter and garlic. Salt and pepper all over and then just let it set and absorb all the goodness.

I used the 'brick chicken' method for this chicken which involves putting pressure onto the meat so it cooks quickly and crisps the skin. It's called 'brick chicken' becuase you're supposed to get some bricks and put them in a second pan on top of the chicken. Now I don't know about you, but I don't do a lot of bricklaying in my tiny urban apartment. What I did have was a case of canned tomatoes from a recent trip to Costco. Done and done!


I threw a can of baked beans in too, just for good measure.

Throw it in skin side down for about 10 minutes and then flip it over for another 20 or so until the juices run clear or you're nosy and cut a piece to check. I also cooked some carrotts in the pan juices which was delicious.


When you're done just throw those old bones in a pot of water, add a couple bay leaves and some veggies and you've got chicken stock for the next day. Now if only I could get it into those little cubes...

Krazy Korean Urban Legends

Every culture has urban legends. They're usually funny or even a little bit sexy as late 90's Joshua Jackson taught us. Krazy Korea has a lot of urban legends and they tend to describe them without a hint of irony. Part of me wants to ask if they know it's not true, but the other part of me doesn't want to ruin Christmas.

The most prominent belief that kimchi is a miracle cure-all disease fighter extraordinaire. Got a cold? Kimchi. Don't want to get swine flu? Kimchi. Got a nasty case of the aids? Kiiimchiii. Some people are even hesitant to go abroad because they are concerned about what might happen if they don't have enough kimchi.

Another food related legend has to do with seaweed soup we were eating for lunch this week. My teacher told me that you can't eat it before exam or you might fail. Why? Because it's slippery. Right, right, slippery. Like your knowledge will slip out of your head? Or like the seaweed might slip out of you in the exam and you'll have to run to the bathroom? I think this is a case for Mythbusters. Those guys seem pretty desperate for work.

Next up: Fan Death. No, not fans dieing from the excitement of seeing their favorite K-pop celebrities but, in fact, death by fan while you're sleeping (also a Canadian indie band, check it). Being the inquisitive sort I probed deeper: what exactly is the cause of death? Answer: the fan. Ahhh, so clear now. For more information I turned to the only news source I trust, wikipedia. My friends at wiki tell me that possibly explanations are that the fan sucks the air away from your face causing you to suffocate or possibly that it chops up all the oxygen molecules in the air, rendering it useless for respiration. I prefer the more colourful idea that the blades escape the metal enclosure and physically chop you up to bits.

Now urban legends are fine but fan death goes too far. The Korea Herald newspaper reported at least 10 deaths in one week from fan death and the Korean Consumer Protection Board issued an official warning about the dangers of fans. Gord Giesbrecht from the University of Manitoba suggests otherwise: "It's hard to imagine death by fan, because to die of hypothermia, one's body temperature would have to get down to 28 [°C], drop by 10 degrees [Celsius] overnight. We've got people lying in snowbanks overnight here in Winnipeg and they survive."

You tell 'em Gord.

Finally, it's not really an urban legend but supposedly Koreans don't have sex before marriage. Sure, sure, just like Palin's daughter. This week my 30-something co-teacher came to work with hickeys on her neck. Okay, memory lane time, when was the last time you had a hickey? Junior high? High school? You probably figured it out pretty quickly and shut down the vacuum cleaner asap. You might not have known it then, but the benefit of your youthful exploits was that you figured it out and didn't have to put a bandaid on your neck at lunchtime after your scarf kept falling down at work. Coincidentally prostitution statistics report that 1 in 5 korean men pay for sex more than 4 times a month. Shiiiiit son. To put that in perspective I take out the garbage about once a week, if I remember. 1 out of every 5 men goes to hookers more often than I take out the garbage. I hope those guys grab the recycling on their way out.

Okay, enough ragging on Korea, I've got some pop rocks and pepsi to drink.

Easter of Sorts

Easter came and went this year in the back seat of tiny Asian car belonging to a tiny Asian woman. Her kindness is nearly overwhelming and her English is nearly non-existent. We were bound for the east coast and after seeing a Buddhist temple that looks remarkably like all the others we headed to Yeongdeok, a town on the East Sea known in South Korea for having the 'best' crab in the country. They also have the 'best' statues of crabs, an unrelated coincidence I'm sure.



Dinner is served!


Struggle...


Success!


Carnage...


I wouldn't eat you if you weren't so tasty.


The crab was delicious but I was less stoked on eating the guts that look like runny poop. Just mix with rice! All in all a nice way to spend Easter, although much quieter than last year. There is an overbearing, possibly Jewish, grandmother somewhere inside me that wants to feed people. My tiny shoebox apartment does not accommodate such wishes.

Fashion Bug Spring 2010

I'm a little bit of a whore in Korea. My co-teachers wear scarves to cover that risque bit of skin from the top of your shirt to your chin. Me? I let my collerbone show. Hell I even wear v-neck shirts! With another, higher, shirt underneath of course, but I do it! I don't, however, wear earrings anymore after a passive message from my coteachers that "the principal doesn't like us to wear big earrings, but it's okay for you because you are beautiful." Okay, let me just translate that from Korean-English to regular-English..."Don't wear earrings."

This was sad at first becuase a) I love earrings and b) I have lots of them now collecting dust. However, where God or your Korean princpal closes a window, he or she might leave the sliding door open so I got these supacute necklaces for about $4 each.








My other must-have for Korean spring fashion? Slippers. After (I thought) I was given slippers by the school the principal told me I had to get my own. She is a battleaxe with strong opinions about jewlery and footwear. Then there was much confusion about what exactly constitutes a slipper: open toe or closed? Can it have a heel? Does it matter what it's made of? Does anything here have arch support? Where can you find ladies size 10 slippers? No where? Fabulous. Luckily I found these bad boys at Footlocker, finally completing my hippie-lesbian-librarian look.



Chunky men's birkenstocks? Check.
Sock and sandals? Check.
Hairy legs? Cheeeeck.

Combined with the fact that I now rock the pants-under-skirt look becuase some of my skirts are too short (read: showing kneecap) I'm about two steps away from playing bass in a 90's all girl rock band that tours exclusively with Lilith Fair. All I need is a shirt that says "Eve Was Framed" and the ability to take things seriously.

Krazy Korea gives me a tv show.

I don't have video footage for you yet, but here's a behind the scenes look at the making of Teacher Time at _________ Elementary School. I would be the tall, awkward white woman in these photos.

These are two of my co-stars.


Here they are again during rehersal in the hallway/greenroom.


She's being humble, but she totally knows how to push those buttons.


On set.


Try to look like a bird, ready....action!

Nailed it!

Here are my tiny cameramen. The one on the right is responsible for the still-cam, while the other boy goes hand held for those hard to reach shots.


Cast and crew wrap party in the stairwell! Until next week, stay classy Beomil!

Fun With Fusion

After a much needed trip to Costco for some western essentials I'm ready to start blending some old favorites (cheese, spices) with some new ingredients (Asian sweet potatoes) and mix in some things that are the same in both places (Eggs. Can't really change eggs, can you?) The result? A quiche of course.

I actually bought the sweet potatoes expecting the regular sweet, yellowy-orange insides but peeling away their rough skin exposed bright white insides. Quelle surprise! Asian sweet potatoes are actually pretty similar to potatoes, but with a dryer, more creamy texture and just a hint of sweetness. Not a bad surprise at all.





The prescious feta that I found at Costco was actually a lot more mild than I expected, resulting in a fairly bland quiche so if you attempt this either make sure you've got a cheese that can stand up for itself in a fight or add some other flavours. I'd also be lieing if I said I didn't dream of a rich, buttery, flaky crust but such is life.

Zucchini Asian Sweet Potatoe Quiche with Rice Crust
(Inspired by this little number)

Crust:
1 cup cooked rice
1 egg
2 tbsp melted butter

Quiche:
4 eggs
1 zucchini sliced thinly
1 asian sweet potatoe, cubed (you could use regular potatoes)
Cheese. As much as your budget or current location permit.
Salt and pepper.

Combine rice, egg and butter. Press into the bottom of your pan. I cooked it for three minutes in the microwave but please use your lovely ovens if you have them. The microwave just doesn't crisp things up.

Steam sweet potato and zucchini and allow to cool slightly. Lightly beat eggs, add cheese, cooled veggies, salt and pepper and pour overtop of the rice crust. I cooked this for about 7 minutes in the microwave until the centre was firm. Again, oven, oven, oven.

Then eat it, dummy.