Stop calling me. You keep bugging me like I owe you something. Doesn't my file say by now that I screen my calls? Pestering me won't make the money appear any faster. I repeat: do not call me unless you are offering me a fucking job, in which case I would be more than happy to donate a portion of my salary to this collection agency you keep threatening me with. If you're truly serious about this whole money thing I suggest asking the government, I hear they're giving it away these days. While you're there ask them if they want to hire me too.
Also, to my dear landlord: Stop coming by unannounced, stop telling me to do the dishes in my own home, stop telling me that I need to "train" the boys to do the dishes, stop cashing my cheques three weeks after you get them, stop being fat and quebecois, and get your dentist to put more teeth in the front of your mouth, okay? Just because you can gum fois gras doesn't mean you should.