Sunday, January 17, 2010

Day 2: Foodie Nightmare

No epic sunset's today, just rain, followed by rain, with some more rain and, wait, oh yeah rain. But enough about that, let me talk about some of the food I've had so far on this trip. I'll preface it by saying that I enjoy 'bad' food. I have frequented on multiple occassions, I love butter so much that I'll admit to licking the excess off the knife from time to time, I've had deep fried oreo's before and I'd do it again. That being said, I do have some standards in relation to my lifetime goal of keep my arteries clear of large chunks of lard.

First off, there was the aforementioned glutinous excuse of a clam chowder. It was so coagulated that it fell off the spoon in chunks and one piece of 'clam' was so unchewable that after attempting to masticate it for several minutes I spit it out into the napkin.

Next, at the same fine dining establishment, I ordered a water. You've heard of it, the healthy, hydrating alternative to soda? Right, so the water arrives and from the first sip I can tell something is off. It tastes like something familiar. Something like...Sprite. Like watered down Sprite. Naturally I assume this is the crazy talking, so I pass it to Kyle who confirms my original suspicion. Definitely, definitely tastes like Sprite.

So afterwards I go to the grocery store to get some vegetables to make some amends for any intestional wrongs I might have committed. Green peppers were on sale, two for one, so I figure that'll do. Get back to the hotel, cut it up, eat a piece and choke back some vomit because it tastes like it was grown in a septic tank. Not the outside, because I washed it, but like it was infused with a little bit of something nasty. Again I pass to Kyle because I asume my tastebuds are just messing with me but he confirms. Definitely, definitely shit pepper.

Then today, I ordered the blackened fish sandwich, salad instead of fries, with the raspberry vinaigrette. The item in question was not, in fact, the fish but the salad. The salad! How do you screw up a salad?? Well, for starters the 'vinaigrette' was thick, like a syrup, and sweet, also like a syrup. It was almost as though some crazy, CRAZY person took raspberry jam and added just a smidge, A SMIDGE of vinegar. Because who wouldn't want slightly tangy raspberry jam poured all over their salad?

Finally, and this one is the kicker: the croutons were deep fried. This just blows my mind wide open. Generally people substitute a salad for fries if they're trying to choose the healthier option, to keep their pants under size XXL, to offset early onset diabetes and generally maintain a sizeable portion of dignity not afforded to the super morbidly obese.

That being said, I bought a block of havarti for $2.50 and a bottle of cabernet sauvignon for $2.97 so fuck it, they can do whatever they want in this blessed country.

1 comment:

Tay said...