Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Dear Girls Two Seats Down

Dear Girls Two Seats Down,

Thanks for coming to class today. It's always a pleasure to see you and the fact that you always sit on my side of the room helps give my life some sense of continuity. I'm also glad to see you because, well, the world needs more girls that are...how shall I say...chunky.

Don't get me wrong, I loves me the larger ladies. Big girls, you are beautiful. Fat bottom girls make the rockin' world go 'round. More cushion for the pushin. Ect. And I for one should know; I too have to turn sideways to fit between the rows of seats in the classroom and when I take my jacket off there is not room for the both of us in the chair. I get it. I feel you.

Having said that, I would like to remind you that our seats are connected by a metal bar located somewhere beneath your grandiose ass. And when you move I move. When you dip, I dip, we dip. That is to say, when you adjust your 'curves,' or jiggle your ham-hocks, or otherwise heft your rolls around in your seat it jolts me. It rocks me, it bumps me...it pisses me off. While the skinny bitches can bounce around in their chairs as they please, girls like us have got to stick to slow, small movements for the duration of class. Some might say that should be easy for someone of your stature. Not me though, I would never say that. I respect and value humans of all shapes and sizes, including the large, circular ones.

Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to hell and I should be on my way now.

Angry Bitch Two Seats Down.

1 comment:

babs said...

dear girl too far away,

your blog has changed my life in more ways than passive aggressive notes ever could.

i love you.

other girl just as war away in the opposite direction