Me: "Hi, I just had this textbook out and it's due back now, but I was wondering if I could take it out again please?"
Librarian: "You have to wait 15 minutes in between taking the same book out."
Me: "Oh, but won't you be closed in 10 minutes?"
Me: "Oh, ok, well in that case, would you like to suck on my dick instead?"
Me: "Hi, I'm looking for a student who goes to school here. His name is Sean and I actually can't remember his last name but-"
Secretary: "Well how am I supposed to help you if you don't know his last name?! Just Sean?? I don't know every Sean in the school! I really can't help you."
*storms off to issue more late slips for 13 year old stoners.*
Me: "...-but I know his homeroom....? Oh, I'm sorry, you probably couldn't hear me over the dull roar of mediocrity. I know dreams can be pretty loud when they're crushed repeatedly. You take good care."