Monday, March 30, 2009

A New Use for Books

With graduation fast approaching I ponder not only my own future, but that of my books. Over the years I have unwillingly acquired a great many leather bound books which leave my apartment smelling of rich mahogany but are unfortunately worth less than $1 on the open market. Naturally I would keep them around to trigger intellectual discussions at dinner parties but I fear this will cost me my reputation as a woman of the people. And then who will lead the peasant revolution? As such I have compiled a few options to consider for the timely demise of my book collection.

1. Burn:
This is of course the obvious and time honoured choice. I will, however, only burn books that deal with religion, democracy or witchcraft. I will only carry my books in plastic bags and I will only do so if I am 50+ pounds overweight and wearing at least 1 print.

2. Phashion
Obv this dress has a train. Obv. Make sure you pick something nice and dense like Marx for winter wear, while media studies is perfect for a nice light summer number.

Don't forget to accessorize!

Coco Chanel once said a women should always remove one accessory before leaving the house. She failed to mention that it should always be your book hat.
She also said, "A woman should never weigh more heavily on a man than a bird," to which I respond, "Fashion is like an ostrich: bury your head in the sand and you always look fabulous."

3. Crafts!
It's a birdfeeder/shelf/art!?

4. Secrets.

Except where they have put ridiculous and useless things I will put drugs, alcohol and secrets.

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