Monday, July 6, 2009

Happy 2 Days After the 4th!

We watched Independence Day on Independence Day! Oh neat! How original! Did you guys think of that yourselves? Yesh.

20th Century Fox-Puppy.

So in an effort to make myself some more cash monies I've signed up for some medical studies. An obvious choice for someone who has EXTREME doctor/hospital anxiety issues. Anyway one of the surveys I had to fill out asked me two full pages of questions like, 'did anyone in your family ever hit you hard enough to leave a mark?' (rarely, because my parents knew how to beat a child properly), 'were you ever punished with hard objects?' (hard like my daddy's fist?), 'did people in your family ever call you stupid or ugly?' (only 'cause it's my name). My answers sound like I should have been in foster care. I'm temped to add a clause that I'm from Alberta, sooo it doesn't really count, ya know? Plus I done deserved my comeuppance on account of my smart mouth. If I'dta done learned quicker I wouldnta done got hit so much.

Also, I just got rejected for a menstrual study. FAT LOT OF GOOD THESE STUPID OVARIES DO ME! Can't even get me into medical studies. I don't know why I keep them around with all the trouble they cause me. My uterus is feeling particularly rejected right now, this is really not very good for my reproductive self esteem.

When I told my mother I was doing the studies and she informed me that all medical testing involves radiation which is carcinogenic. When I tried to explain to her that mri's actually use magnets, not radiation, she said, well why do you think the technician leaves the room when they turn the machine on?? huh??? Radiation. She also let me know that I shouldn't keep a radio too close to my bed on account of the radiation. I think she gets the words radio and radiation mixed up. So then I told her I was doing a study where I get an x-ray taken while sticking my head inside a microwave and I am just not sure she knew I was kidding. Anyway she said she'd give me more money if I didn't do the studies so obviously I'm going to take the money and do the studies there by killing two birds with one radiation rock. Radiation rocks!


lowercasecarmen said...

Making child abuse funny since 1986!

word verification: annesses

miss. chief said...

fabulous idea!! i'm going to get money from your mom for not doing studies too, maybe.