Twhacker

Obama Twitter account 'hacked by frenchman'

Jean Pierre le Douchsac was arrested tody in Paris for allegedly 'hacking' into President Obama's twitter account. The 25 year old is said to have gained access to the account by correctly guessing 'password' as the password. Republicans are citing this as an example of poor online leadership, while the Democrats are countering that it simply shows Obama as an average person. "Even ivy league grads can't make secure passwords!" says Democratic pundit Hilary Pillow-Perry. There is further speculation that Obama's bank pin code might be his birth day and the secret service has announced that the White House alarm code will no longer be 1234.

Police became suspicious of le Douchesac after they heard the Pink Panther theme song coming from the suspect's apartment. When asked about his actions le Douchesac responded, "Ees not a crime to make guess of somezing. In America eets called a stock broker, non?" le Douchesac is currently unemployed having lost his previous job running a 'Guess My Weight' carnival booth after complaints that he was too accurate.

Millions of American's are continuing to get their tweet on though; BibleLover6969, posted today "You can take our passwords, but you'll never take our tweedom." Never a truer tweet, you twit.

Korean(ish) Ribs

Stumbling through foodgawker yesterday I saw a recipe for Korean Ribs. Since I had a bag of ribs in my freezer and a world full of Korea at my doorstep I decided to give it a whirl. I basically followed this recipe, except I don't have measuring utensils or an oven and I haven't got paid yet so I also don't have money for pears and 7-up. If for some reason you are in the same weird world as me, you can follow my lead:

Korean(ish) Ribs
- Mix some soy sauce with your favorite lemony flavoured drink. In my case I had some leftover Pocari Sweat, a poorly named Korean sports drink that tastes better than it sounds. In terms of amounts I used more Sweat than soy sauce, and enough of both to cover the ribs in the container.
- Add some crushed garlic and ginger, thinly sliced onions and a little sugar if your lemony drink isn't very sweet and pour it over the ribs to marinate for at least 30 minutes.
- Heat some oil in your pan and then add the ribs, reserving the marinade. Sear ribs on each side until nicely browned.
- Add the marinade to the pan and continue cooking on lower heat until sauce thickens.

Normally I'd serve ribs with rice but seeing as I already eat rice faaaar too often I went with mashed potatoes instead and the sauce acted as a gravy of sorts. Oh, and I had some vegetables in there too, I swear.



Nom nom nom.

KK took my baby away.

Krazy Korea took my baby away.

First, some tales from the classroom:

The other day my co-teacher asked the kids where one missing student was. They replied quickly and with confidence, "mind control." Fact: Big Brother is the number one causes of absences in Korean elementary schools.

After playing an innocent game based on rock-paper-scissors my co-teacher asked who the winner of each pair was. When the winners raised their hands she gave some instructions in Korean and then I witnessed each winning ten year old grab their losing partner, lick their index and forefingers and gave them the slaps. Maybe that'll learn them to be better at rock-paper-scissors (hint: always pick rock).

And now, Korean television fun time!

This was a show about octopods that can lift bowling balls.



This was a show about a baby that can sew. She cried when they took her needle and thread away, such work ethic!



This is a show about teaching young girls to dance sexy while an older, chubby man watches. No sriously, I've seen it a couple of times, there is no other possible explanation.

An excerpt of my brain

Sometimes during the most boring parts of my day (approx. 7:30am-11:30pm) I think like a stoner. I think things like, what if my "dreams" are actually reality, man, and then what I think is "reality" is actually just my dreams? Like, man I keep having this recurring dream where I have to go to work all day long, every day, fuuuuck it's so boring. Thank god I woke up so I can get back to dragon wrestling on this cloud made of doughnuts.

I have a lot of time on my hands.

I also think chicken's should have arms. That occured to me last night while I was watching a cat fight a chicken on America's Funniest Home Videos (v. popular here). The cat was on his hind legs swatting with his arms and the chicken could only peck with its beakt. So not fair. They should just have little spindly arms that come straight out of their chest like a t-rex. They'd still eat food off the ground with their beaks though, for tradition's sake, but they'd come in handy for conga lines. Chicken's love conga lines.

I need a life.

What's for Brinner?

Personally I've never been a huge breakfast fan because it happens to fall between the hours of Irritated Beast o'clock and half past Too Groggy to Function. Enter brinner: breakfast for dinner. Hit the snooze button in the morning and save your eggs for suppertime.

Tonight's brinner was a poor man's take on egg's benny. I've never made hollendaise sauce before so I thought I'd leave it for another, more ambitious day. Instead, spaghetti sauce! It was surprisingly good and Korean eggs seem to have more yolk which is always appreciated.


Poached Spageggi on Toast with Home Fries

I used to be afraid of poached eggs, but there's really nothing to fear if you follow a few key steps. First, your water should be just two smidgens short of boiling. Look for the streams of tiny bubbles coming from the bottom of the pot. Second, add a tablespoon of vinegar to your water. I don't know why this helps keep things together, but it does and that's good enough for me. Finally, give your water a little swirl before cracking the eggs in. The whirlpool motion whips the whites around and keeps everything congealed.

From there on out it's just a matter of timing:
- Heat your oil, put the potatoes on.
- Get your water up to temperature.
- Crack in your eggs when the potatoes start browning.
- Heat the sauce.
- Know how long your toaster takes; act accordingly.
- Watch those eggs.
- Fries on the plate, toast on the plate.
- Get the eggs outta the bath when the whites are firm and the yolks are still runny.
- They go on the plate with sauce and into your belly before they cool down.

Skip the coffee or you'll be up until Supperfast!

Groan...

Love love lovelove

Oh my god I love her so much I want to take her out back behind the sperm bank and get her pregnant and then we'll have a baby ukulele and sell fruit from the trunk of our car and we'll drive and sing and drive and sing until we get to happily ever after where we'll plant a garden and raise our little ukelele into a guitar and then watch the sun set.

Just watch it.

http://www.ted.com/talks/nellie_mckay_sings_feminists_and_if_i_had_you.html

TGIKK

Thank God It's Krazy Korea!

This week in kraziness: Crunky Nude Balls!!!



It's too easy, but I'd be remiss if I didn't mention how rich I'd be if had a dime for every crunky nude ball I've sucked on...

Next up: The Farting Daughter in Law, a video by the Educational Broadcasting Network in Korea. This video was made to teach the dear people of Korea English through farting. It's long and slow (the best farts always are) so I'll spoil the end for you: the flatulent wife saves the day by blowing away the robber with her butt wind. God, who hasn't heard that one before? There's another in the series called The Talkative Wife, a classic tale of a woman who tells the neighbours that Mr. Kim wet his pants. Then, Mr. Kim finds some gold! He decides not to show his wife because she's so fucking yappy. Instead he cooks some rice and puts it in a tree, shows it to his wife, who flaps her gums to the neighbours, they call her a nut job liar. Then shows his wife the gold, she still can't keep her trap shut, but since her word has been completely discredited nobody believes her. The wife was totally devastated but Mr. Kim was happy and rich and lived happily ever after. The End.

Finally, since somebody else must be as bored as me at work please enjoy this little internet nugget: www.blackoutkorea.com., a website dedicated to the drinking/sleeping habits of Koreans.

Happy Friday!