An Apple a Day

I just found out that as part of the recruitment process for teaching in Korea they require a medical exam with a urine sample. I don't want to freak out and cancel the trip or anything, even though that was my first instinct, but I just think maybe it wouldn't hurt to consider some alternate options. Say, developing countries without doctors? Sounds like paradise. The last time I successfully gave a urine sample was 5 years ago. Five. And that required an elaborate water consumption regimen, abundant use of faucets for audio therapy, and two unsuccessful attempts before I got any in the cup and most on my hand. Surely there must be an easier way to get this liquid gold, for example, just brainstorming here, a large needle inserted through my stomach to extract the urine? That sounds waaaay easier. I usually try to view this personal defect in a positive light, for example, on road trips I never request to pull over to pee. For roadside turnouts, novelty oversized statues, fruit stands, corn stands, seafood stands in landlocked areas, interesting foliage and diner's with the word 'Ma' or 'Pa' in the name, yes. Peeing in a dirty gas station, no. I'll hold it for another 4 hours, thanks. Then there's the added bonus of my blood pressure being alarmingly high as soon as I go near a man with a stethoscope. Never trust a man who thinks he can find your heart with a glorified necklace. The only way to my heart is through food Doc.

But I think this is going to be ok. I bet Korean doctors are way nicer than Canadian ones. I bet the language barrier will be no problem and I won't have to mime 'I can't pee' (for the record though, it'll be legs crossed, semi-crouch, shaking head vigorously and arms waving 'no' over my crotch). I bet Korean doctors are really understanding too. I bet they're kindly old men who are never rude, or in a hurry and willing to accept a pinkie promise that I've never done drugs in lieu of my bodily functions. Yes, definitely. This is how it will have to be.

Also, they're all cartooons, which is why they're so nice, and they give rocks as medicine.

Unrealted note: why have I never seen this picture? This seems like something I should have come across on my extensive internet time wasting travels. Also, listed on the first page when I google image searched 'korean doctor.'