A Classic Whodunnit

I yank open the freezer door. The handle jiggles, loose in its hinges, as the cool air hits the my face. There's no light in the freezer, there never is, but I know intuitively where it is. I thrust my hand deep into the frozen box, my upper arm skin jiggling just like that damn door handle. 'Must remember to do triceps curls before bed,' I thought, immediatly ignoring the good intentions of my brain.

The box is cool and moist in my hand. A shiver runs up my spine and my mouth starts to water. I thrust back the lid, shove my spoon inside and - egads! What coufounded scoundrel could be capable of such horror?!

Chocolate! Where in god's sweetened frozen dairy name is the chocolate???

Regaining my composure after my initial shock I stifle a sob and go back for a closer look. Notice the bottom of the box, see how the packaging shows through in small lined patches. Small lined patches, say, about the width of an index finger?! It would appear this criminal was the hands on type, and no doubt a double dipper.

Is their no dignity or rightousness left in this tattered mess of a world? What will become of society if everyone eats the chocolate first? Will we starting picking the smarties out of the trail mix??? No. Becuase we're not damned animals. We're all on this crazy ride together and for god's sake you' ve just got to scoop perpindicular for an equal distribution of flavours. If not for me, then do it for pink. Poor, poor, pink. An obvious underdog in the cut throat world of neopolitain ice cream. Chocolate? Always a hit. Vanilla? Classic. Pink? Pink. Not even a real flavour, there's nothing strawberry about it. Pink has it's place; bubblegum, pepto bismal, raw meat, but by god pink just doesn't cut it in this tough love icecream trio.

I shovel a scoop into my waiting mouth, and then another and another. 'Let me love you pink,' I cry, as the brain freeze takes over my frontal lobe, 'Everything's going to be ok, you'll never be alone again, we'll always have each other!'

We'll always have each other.