Monday, October 26, 2009

A New First, A New Low

Today a man said "FUCK YOU!" to me, and I realized that I don't think anyone has ever said that to me. Excluding, of course, family members and anything said in jest. I don't believe I've ever caused anyone to be so excrutiatingly angry that they said that to me in the direct sense. "Fuck her" said in private, behind my backside, sure. "That fucking bitch" whispered in a corner as I hit on your boyfriend near the punch bowl. "Get fucked" as I exaggerate the details of a particularly bad story, but never "FUCK YOU!" from a non-blood relative.

In the interest of fairness to the accused, I may have potentially incited the incident. However, if you call to scream at someone before 10:00am about the cost of shipping and handling fees after you've already read, agreed to and paid them, you should well expect the response to be heavily dosed with sarcasm. Their is a direct correlation between Time Coffee Has Had to Reach My System and Level of Detectable Sarcasm on the graph of my morning work time. That is not to say I get less sarcastic after the caffine kicks in, but rather I better hide it so it's mostly for my entertainment and less as a means of passively expressing my opinions to the raging morons of the world.

The best time to call and exemplify the qualities of a rectum is actually directly after one of your fellow brethren has called. I'm so hell bent on proving I'm not a horrible human being I'm liable to take any telephonic abuse your filthy mouth has to offer.
This cake was made by people who have never said 'FUCK YOU!' to my face:

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