Monday, November 30, 2009

As Always...Pervy Mondays

We're approaching the end of this wonderful perverted trip my dear friends. One week and counting until I'm Free Falling a la Tom Petty. Until then, we're Mary Jane's Last Limp Dick, Here Comes my Boner, You Don't Know How It Feels (to Get an Erection).

"That would make me over 10 inches. I mean, how much could a woman take?!"
- "Uh, well...sir...that would depend on the size of her vagina, I suppose." (Things No
One But Your Gyno Should Say, a page-a-day calander)

"Have you ever seen a porno?" (Have you ever seen the miracle of birth? I think it's safe to say that the vagina is a voodoo shapeshifter that can accomodate whatever you have to offer.)

I have an implant."
- "Uh-huh..."
"It has bubbles that I can blow up inside my testicles."
- "Uh-huhh...?"
"And I can get an erection, but I just don't enjoy it."
- "Uh-huhhh...??" That sounds like fun, I know I like blowing bubbles, and what a fun
visual. I picture a man floating away into the clouds, crotch first through the sky.
Sometimes women call in, usually to get something for their husbands, boyfriends or imaginary lovers (dream bigger ladies), but sometimes things are a little closer to home:

"Does this stuff stop premature ejaculation? I'm calling fer my brother, he wants ter know."
Incest is the number one cause of erectile dysfunction. No means no, if he's your bro.

"Can I talk to someone in customer service? Those order desk people are asswipes."
This was his second call, after audibly playing with himself during his first attempt. He
called back a third time after I hung up on him to say that we're all Chinese people who
can't understand English. Fortunately masturbation is a universal language.

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