* note: this should be read in your best Ukrainian accent.
Oh hai! I didn't see you come in through the smog of nuclear fallout! Vilkom! Come, sit! We make perogies!
Shtep 1: cook potatoes. Keep strong man around to chase away rats.
Use only ze highest quality potatoe.
Ve lick zem clean so not to waste precious radioactive water.
Baba's secret Ukrainian secret ingredient: Cheeze Whiz! Capitalist pigs know how to process the cheese.
Roll dough. Strong arm muscles built from driving plow after ox died.
Make circles using empty vodka glass.
Cheese goo goes inside dough. Edges sealed tighter than KGB headquarters. Squeeze together like butt cheek of Lenin. If no, they vill haf explosion like Chernobyl.
She vill make good wife. She has the strong arms. Hard worker. Large dowry until ox died. But if global economy not pick up ve sell her to sex trade.
Perogies done. Now ve dance! Cossack styles!
Now I leave you vith some famous sayings from old country:
"Nai tebe kachka kopne!" (May a duck kick you!)
“Kasha nasha, tativ borshch” (The kasha may be mine but the father made the borscht)
“Chy ty z byka vpav?” (Have you fallen off an ox?)
“Robym, robym nits ne mayem!” (We work, we work, and have nothing!)
Chy ty pyaniy, chy durniy!” (Are you drunk or just stupid!)
"Evf hym ell" (fml)